Accepting the Gifts of the Law of Attraction

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Below.

For me,  the  most  important thing about  keeping  a journal is its usefulness  for catharsis and personal archeology—that I can write through an issue and either purge it or lessen it somehow. The second most important thing about keeping a journal is that it becomes a record  that can be studied later to note change and to analyze motivations,  results, and what  went wrong  as well  as what went  right.  And  that  makes  understanding   Universals Laws and the Law of Attraction  a real  omigods experience.

Attract Him Back

As I was editing Third Degree of Separation and reading back  over  the  proofs  of  Third Degree of Freedom, I  kept looking at my experiences  and the experiences  of others under the lens  of the Law  of Attraction.  Some  of the things I’ve seen in the past two years of journal-keeping make me sad. I won’t dwell on that sadness because I can use that knowledge now to make changes, but I will make the observations and document them. What I do see in observing  my past observations  is how we really do manifest our worst fears because that’s where we live. We have that pattern in our past and we expect and fear it in the future and so we mentally are in the past with it and in the future with it at the same time. All time is now, and it’s fear and doubt all the time in the present.

I can look back at example after example in reading about my own life and what I’ve seen around me. People getting not what they want, but  what they always worry about.

I see it quite a bit in careers. The people who constantly worry  about not getting a promotion. The people who constantly worry about trouble in their jobs and how everything  but everything  will go wrong. The writers who worry constantly about never selling again or getting  the editor  from hell or getting bad reviews  or not meeting deadlines.

I see it in relationships.  The woman who constantly worries that  she’ll  lose her  boyfriend,  to the  extent  of holding on so tightly that the other person runs screaming away. The people who worry about not being able to control their children or that their kids are always doing something bad, to the extent  of treating  their kids like they’ve already  done something bad. The guy who worries  that  he’s  a  fuck-up  and  if  something  good,  really good, comes along,  he’ll just mess it up because  that’s what he’s always done, what he always does, and what he’ll always  do…and goes on to fulfill that prophecy in every imaginable way that it would be funny if it weren’t so tragic.

I see it in money  issues. The people who focus on how  they  never  have  enough  money  and  how  they’ll never get out from under their debts. The list goes on and on.

I look back over some of the things I’ve really wanted in the past two years that didn’t happen. They came very, very  close.  With  the  advantage  of  hindsight  and  new knowledge, I can see now how terribly close they came to fruition, within minutes or even a few feet! I never would have guessed then how close certain dreams were before I shoved them away without realizing it. I was expecting them, believing in them, excited about those goals being fulfilled. Then fear and doubt would be introduced.

The fear usually came from the past. I knew what pat- terns I’d been entrenched in. I didn’t know how anything different looked. It took time to learn a new way and re- program into a new pattern. The fears were usually more of an internal alarm, though outside influences could certainly introduce  them to me. The doubts, on the other hand, usually came from outside and seeped deep to my core.  I  could  be  so  sure  of  something  and  then  hear someone else’s “more knowledgeable”  (or so I  thought) advice about their own experiences and patterns with the same subject, and I’d begin to doubt. Looking back, I see now that many, many times, I was within a few hours of having  something   I  really  wanted  and  I  allowed  my doubts to shove it away. Too many times, I let other people’s doubts push it away in the name of “being realistic” or “I don’t want to see you get hurt or disappointed” or even “It’s wrong of you to want that.”

My past fears and patterns helped to pull those doubts to me from outside sources. The past made me very open to any and  every  doubtful  thought  floating  around!  So there I was, trying so hard  and working so hard for all these dreams, and at the same time pushing  them away with doubt.

Back in the mid-90’s, I met a clairvoyant at a writer’s conference in West Palm Beach. She was a larger woman with reddish-blonde hair and wore blue clothes the shade of a robin’s egg. As striking as she was in her appearance, it was her eyes that were so piercing and ethereal. She had some  free time  and so we chatted for almost an hour about writing and human  development. As I started to leave, she handed me a book and asked if it  was some- thing I might like. It was a book on writers’ markets— where  to  sell  your  fiction  and  magazine  articles—that someone had left behind, saying they didn’t need it any- more. The book  was  expensive—about  $40 then—and one I’d been wanting.

“Would you like to have this?” the woman asked me.

I hesitated. I really did want it. But even when she explained how the book had come to her and how she had no interest in it except to pass it on, I still hesitated. I didn’t want to feel obligated. I didn’t want to take something she might want. I didn’t want to take something someone else might want or need more than I did. I could surely find the book later and buy it in a bookstore at full price. I didn’t feel comfortable accepting the gift.

“You know, Lorna,” she said. “You work so hard to make so many things happen for yourself, and then when the Universe offers them  to you, you don’t take them. Can you simply  accept  a gift as a reward  for your  efforts?”

I took a deep breath and accepted  the book with a simple “Thank you.” A simple thing, but so hard for me to do. I don’t think I’d ever done that before. That memory has stuck with me for years, but it’s still, even recognizing it, been hard.

I am finally…now…learning to accept gifts.