Meditative Work: Dream Boyâ€™s Weekly Visit
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Ebb and Flow.
The man in my dreams seems most fond of visiting me Â onÂ Â Saturday mornings Â when Â Iâ€™m Â meditating. Â He shows Â up at other Â times, Â too, but Â most Â frequently, Â he picks a Saturday morning. His Higher Self seems to connect with me most at that time, but it could be because Iâ€™m less stressed and rushed on a weekend morning.
This time, as with the last few times, heâ€™s been much happier and very focused on his career. Rather than being at work, he Â was in my home in this meditation, Â but so were a lot of people. Heâ€™d Â brought them with him, but not in an intentional way. They seemed to be people he socializes Â with Â and Â thereforeÂ Â â€œaroundâ€Â Â him Â subconsciously.
It was a short visit, he said, because he had to be back in â€œclassâ€ early the next day. He was learning something new, some new focus in his career efforts, so that it was almost like going back to school. We didnâ€™t get much of a chance to talk, but he also mentioned Â that itâ€™s been so long since he was promiscuous in his younger days that heâ€™s been kicked out of the club.
Half of what he said to me was obscured, almost en- coded, so others there wouldnâ€™t understand. One person in particular, who kept arranging things to keep us separated. Â A Â woman Â Iâ€™ve Â not Â thought Â about Â in Â a Â while, Â a woman Â who Â was Â a mutual Â acquaintance, Â one Â we Â both considered Â domineering,Â Â one Â who Â frequently Â told Â me hurtful lies about him.
So why is she back in the mix? Sheâ€™s somehow in con- tact or knows something of him again thatâ€™s gotten her so stirred up. Her feelings toward me havenâ€™t changed. Neither has the proprietary nature of her feelings for him.
These dreams and meditations Â have been so interesting to me Â over Â the Â past Â year Â and Â more. Â For Â soÂ many months, Â there Â was Â theÂ Â constant Â movementâ€”theÂ Â car dreamsâ€”where we were both on a journey together and sharing our insights. Early on, he did most of the driving. Later it was me, and if he did drive, I was navigating. There were times throughout the winter and early spring when I saw him in prison and sent angels to rescue him.
These Â meditative Â moments Â started Â out Â shy, Â barely touching, Â then Â moving Â to Â more Â progressive Â emotional and Â physical Â moments, Â culminating Â and Â then Â stopping altogether in late May, the last one being a vivid meditation when I arrived in Daytona for the RT convention.
He was always so busy, with so many people pulling at him. I would give him space to think and someone Â else would immediately fill the gap Iâ€™d given him as a gift. We could barely have a moment Â alone in a dream Â because others would interfere or ensnare or interrupt or attempt to destroy. Some people were intent on us not making a connection, even in these meditations.
By June, he was silent and distant in my meditations. Shut off. Alone. No one was trying to interfere then. All those who had, by then Â had smugly gone on their way. Heâ€™d show up in my world, often where Â I Â was seeking nourishment, and watch Â from Â the periphery, Â unable Â to speak to me but so seeming to want to. So full of grief and despair Â and Â heaviness, and yet Â walling Â himself Â off from me. He was lost then, but I Â gave him maps and helped him pack. So painfully alone and distraught, Â and then the one time when I touched his shoulder and he dissolved into sobs but wouldnâ€™t tell me why.
By September, things were lightening up. Something new in his job. Some new happiness. Very busy, yes, and very focused, but wanting to Â share his good news with me.
Things are better now. Lighter. More social and less isolated. With music. With learning and preparing for the future again, at last.
And yet, this person from the past is right back in the mix, refusing Â to leave us alone to talk and working her subtle Â inferences. Â I Â have Â to Â wonder Â what Â she Â knows about him now after so long that would have Â her step- ping in to try to seize control.