No More Looking for a Man Whoâ€™s My Equal?
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Truth.
Have Â I Â been Â â€œlooking Â for Â loveâ€ Â in Â all Â the Â wrong places?
My old friendâ€”the one who so enjoys being submissive Â to Â his Â wifeâ€”suggests Â I Â have. Â He Â alleges Â that Â Iâ€™ll never find anybody â€œworth Â havingâ€ around here in the usual way and that itâ€™s time to change my paradigm Â and start taking bids.
â€œThe two men you said you really liked over the past two years,â€ Â he says. Â â€œDid Â you meet Â them Â in the usual way?â€
Meaning, Â he Â explains,Â Â an Â introductionÂ Â throughÂ Â a friend or through Â a dating site or at a bar or party. No.
Actually both times Â were through Â an unexpected Â work connectionâ€”his. Â The Â meetings Â were Â really Â just Â flukes, and not ones likely to be repeated ever again with anyone else. Both men seemed to have a â€œconnectionâ€ Â with me, one more so than the other.
â€œAnd who made the first move?â€ he asks.
Um, that would be me. I do believe I asked for their numbers first. Why, yes, I did, brazen hussy-virgin that I am.
â€œAnd they gave you their private numbers?â€
â€œAnd you called them?â€
When I got the chance. A couple of weeks later.
He grins. â€œOn your own schedule. Not theirs.â€ Then he nods. â€œWho decided when and where to go out?â€
Er, me again. But they did ask me to decide where and when….
He nods Â furiously. Â â€œAnd Â you Â preferred Â that Â to Â the men who Â decided where Â youâ€™d eat and what youâ€™d eat and found fault with your pagan jewelry?â€
Definitely. I thought these men were sweet. Thoughtful.
â€œVery unlike the men you meet at work or through friends?â€
Very. They Â were Â chivalrous Â but Â not Â chauvinistic. Â It occurs to me Â suddenly Â that chivalrous and chauvinistic are not the same thing. Here in the Bible Belt, I never be- fore recognized Â that Â fact. Â Chauvinism Â often Â leads Â to a false Â chivalry. Â But these Â menÂ were…respectful, Â adoring, and interesting.
I liked that. A lot. No telling Â me whatÂ to think Â or
what to do or passing judgment in the usual negative way a witch in Republican Fundy Country sees.
â€œWhat you need is a manâ€”or menâ€”who will sit at your feet and worship you as their Goddess. Youâ€™ve been
looking for Â men Â who Â were Â your Â equal, Â and Â you Â donâ€™t have any.â€
â€œAnd Â thatâ€™s Â where Â youâ€™ve Â gone Â wrong Â with Â these dregs who keep finding you. Thereâ€™s no need to give up on men altogether. Itâ€™s simply that the last thing you need is an Alpha Male or someone trying to be your equal and instead being a controlling buffoon.â€
Ooooh. Interesting Â insight. Since I was 12, Iâ€™ve been
focused Â on Â equality. Â On Â women Â being Â equal Â to Â men. Women being equal to men in pay, respect, freedom, etc. The mindset I grew up with Â (yes, I was in the National Organization for Women when I was 12!) raised women UP to the superior level of men. So Iâ€™ve always thought in terms of a mate who would recognize me as an equal to his superior status, so we could be superiorÂ together. Itâ€™s different now. Iâ€™m no longer trying to prove to any- one that Iâ€™m good enough to be his equal so why should I lower my standards Â to being what a man wants me to be instead of who I am?
â€œItâ€™s time for you to shift your paradigm and look in a different sort of place,â€ my friend says. He suggests I go over the site where he met his wife, collarme.com, and register and just see what happens.
â€œYou can look around the site and find several dozen men who Â interest Â you Â and Â pursue Â them Â if Â youâ€™d Â like. Orâ€”â€ he grins again â€”â€you can put up a profile and just let the proposals roll in!â€ Then he becomes very serious. â€œReally. These are the kind of Â men youâ€™re Â interesting inâ€”articulate, Â intelligent, Â successful, Â open-minded, Â and with most if not all of your non-negotiables. All you need to do is let them Â know you exist and theyâ€™ll line up for you…and then all you have to do is pick which one you want.â€
At the Â moment, Â Iâ€™m Â waffling, Â but Â leaning Â ever Â so slightly toward giving it a look-see.