No More Looking for a Man Who’s My Equal?
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Truth.
Have I been “looking for love” in all the wrong places?
My old friend—the one who so enjoys being submissive to his wife—suggests I have. He alleges that I’ll never find anybody “worth having” around here in the usual way and that it’s time to change my paradigm and start taking bids.
“The two men you said you really liked over the past two years,” he says. “Did you meet them in the usual way?”
Meaning, he explains, an introduction through a friend or through a dating site or at a bar or party. No.
Actually both times were through an unexpected work connection—his. The meetings were really just flukes, and not ones likely to be repeated ever again with anyone else. Both men seemed to have a “connection” with me, one more so than the other.
“And who made the first move?” he asks.
Um, that would be me. I do believe I asked for their numbers first. Why, yes, I did, brazen hussy-virgin that I am.
“And they gave you their private numbers?”
“And you called them?”
When I got the chance. A couple of weeks later.
He grins. “On your own schedule. Not theirs.” Then he nods. “Who decided when and where to go out?”
Er, me again. But they did ask me to decide where and when….
He nods furiously. “And you preferred that to the men who decided where you’d eat and what you’d eat and found fault with your pagan jewelry?”
Definitely. I thought these men were sweet. Thoughtful.
“Very unlike the men you meet at work or through friends?”
Very. They were chivalrous but not chauvinistic. It occurs to me suddenly that chivalrous and chauvinistic are not the same thing. Here in the Bible Belt, I never be- fore recognized that fact. Chauvinism often leads to a false chivalry. But these men were…respectful, adoring, and interesting.
I liked that. A lot. No telling me what to think or
what to do or passing judgment in the usual negative way a witch in Republican Fundy Country sees.
“What you need is a man—or men—who will sit at your feet and worship you as their Goddess. You’ve been
looking for men who were your equal, and you don’t have any.”
My friend makes me laugh.
“And that’s where you’ve gone wrong with these dregs who keep finding you. There’s no need to give up on men altogether. It’s simply that the last thing you need is an Alpha Male or someone trying to be your equal and instead being a controlling buffoon.”
Ooooh. Interesting insight. Since I was 12, I’ve been
focused on equality. On women being equal to men. Women being equal to men in pay, respect, freedom, etc. The mindset I grew up with (yes, I was in the National Organization for Women when I was 12!) raised women UP to the superior level of men. So I’ve always thought in terms of a mate who would recognize me as an equal to his superior status, so we could be superior together. It’s different now. I’m no longer trying to prove to any- one that I’m good enough to be his equal so why should I lower my standards to being what a man wants me to be instead of who I am?
“It’s time for you to shift your paradigm and look in a different sort of place,” my friend says. He suggests I go over the site where he met his wife, collarme.com, and register and just see what happens.
“You can look around the site and find several dozen men who interest you and pursue them if you’d like. Or—” he grins again —”you can put up a profile and just let the proposals roll in!” Then he becomes very serious. “Really. These are the kind of men you’re interesting in—articulate, intelligent, successful, open-minded, and with most if not all of your non-negotiables. All you need to do is let them know you exist and they’ll line up for you…and then all you have to do is pick which one you want.”
At the moment, I’m waffling, but leaning ever so slightly toward giving it a look-see.