Meditation Work: The Unwanted
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Truth.
At the last Â Â Full Moon, Â I Â visited Â my own â€œmetaphysicalâ€Â house while Â meditating. Â Apparently Â so did a lot of people, including someone pretending Â to be helpful. It was this meditation that tipped me off to this personâ€™s intent-or Â at least Â subconsciously Â helped me to put it all together Â and figureÂ out this Â personâ€™s Â motives werenâ€™t so sweet.
The man in my dreams had come to my metaphysical home for a visit, which is fair, I suppose, considering Iâ€™ve visited his â€œhouseâ€ on three recent occasions. We reconnect in a group of strangers and acquaintances Â and have plans to share a ride back to my metaphysical home but- as usually happens the minute I give him the freedom to come Â and go as he pleases-someone Â else grabs him and hauls him off to do their bidding. We agree, however, to meet up at my metaphysical house and then the two of us will leave together to spend time alone in deep conversation.
We arrive separately Â at the same location. I have my car and Iâ€™m Â driving. Â He, for some reason, Â isnâ€™t driving and Â is a passenger Â in Â someone Â elseâ€™s Â car. Â But Â I know when I drive up that heâ€™s already here.
Before I can exit my car, a woman I know is at my side, offering Â to help. Iâ€™m in tall heels, spikes, and they sink and catch in the front lawn. The girls rush to me and tell me that the man is inside, ready and waiting, looking for me. I tell them Iâ€™m on my way, but the woman holds out a helping hand.
She leads me along the crescent of the lawn, spinning me on m heels, three times. I tell her to stop, that I need to go inside immediately to find this man.
But she laughs and spins me until I fall to the ground.
I look up at this woman and see that she has aged to long gray hair and deep wrinkles. She is horrified by the sudden sucking away of her youth at the same time I realize that she is intentionally spinning me around to keep me from focusing on what I want to do and where I want to be. Itâ€™s an eye-opener but not soon enough.
Shannon appears and tells me that the man is looking for me and thinks Iâ€™ve given up on him this time. I havenâ€™t. I rise to my feet and fall down again, too dizzy to stay upright.
At last Iâ€™m able to stand. My girls help me to my feet and Â I try Â to Â run Â toward Â the Â house Â but Â I canâ€™t Â walk Â a straight Â line. EvenÂ before Â I Â regain Â my equilibrium, Â Iâ€™m bursting into the house.
The house Â is full. Â Friends, Â family, Â colleagues. Â Itâ€™sÂ a busy and social place, full of ideas and activity. There are people there I Â havenâ€™t see in years. But I donâ€™t see the man Iâ€™m looking for.
I scan the house. Nothing.
Iâ€™m told heâ€™s gone outside to look for me, that he believes Iâ€™ve left this place, given up or no longer caring to join him alone in conversation.
I stumble Â down Â the Â back Â door Â steps, Â as they Â were when I was growing Â up and not as they Â are since Â my mom built the back porch sheâ€™s always wanted.
I squint toward the orchard across the pasture and see the man taking Â a last, longing look in my direction and getting Â into Â someone Â elseâ€™s Â car Â as Â a Â passenger Â to Â be driven elsewhere Â this night. Without Â me. Weâ€™ve Â missed each other.
I look back in anger at the woman who held my focus too long, but sheâ€™s gone now, withered away to nothingness. Â She Â has Â nothing Â left. Â No Â family, Â no Â mate, Â no friends, no dreams, and no me either. Sheâ€™s vapor.
I missed Â myÂ one-on-one Â time Â with theÂ man Â in my dreams this night, but I saw someoneâ€™s Â intent I hadnâ€™t seen before, and I know she will never again be effective in throwing me off-balance.