Itâ€™s 11:00 â€” Do You Know Where Your Florida Is?
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Truth.
Sometimes I really enjoy it when people tell me Iâ€™m wrong. Theyâ€™re so insistent…they Â leave me laughing hysterically.
See, I live in the Florida Panhandle. Itâ€™s remote, with lots of white Â beaches and emerald-green water, and itâ€™s usually where people prefer to see hurricanes go because itâ€™s less populated (gee, thanks), though itâ€™s getting rather crowded.
Some people refer to it as â€œLower Alabama.â€ Â Some travel maps in the past have forgotten to include anything but the peninsula of Â Florida as the state.
In the last presidential election, CNN and the major news Â broadcasting Â organizations Â didnâ€™tÂ realize Â we were over here in the Â Panhandle and announced the winning candidate for the state an hour before our polls closed, which Â caused Â some Â locals Â onÂ their Â way Â to Â vote Â to Â go home instead Â or Â to Â leave Â the Â voting Â lines Â theyâ€™d Â been standing in. We didnâ€™t have problems Â here with Â voting machines, just the media.
But every now and then, I have a conversation with someone who tells me Iâ€™m dead Â wrong. For exampleâ€¦.
Idiot: Hi, Lorna. Is this a good time? You said whatever I did, not to call before 8.
Me: Um, sure. (yawn) Youâ€™re a little early but let me just get my notes.
Idiot: Early? Itâ€™s 8:05.
Me: Actually, itâ€™s 7:05, but if you give me a minute to get my notes, we can proceed.
Idiot: No, your clockâ€™s wrong. Itâ€™s 8:05.
Me: Really? Â (checking Â watch, Â checking Â cell Â phone, checking clock on wall, checking computer clockâ€”all in one sweeping glance) No. Itâ€™s Â 7:05. Iâ€™m sure of it. 7:06 now.
Idiot: All your clocks are wrong? Thatâ€™s weird.
Me: Um, where are you calling from?
Idiot: Ohio. Why? (No offense to all the non-idiots in
Me: Ah. Youâ€™re on Eastern time. Iâ€™m on central time.
Idiot: No, youâ€™re not.
Me: Excuse me?
Idiot: Youâ€™re on Eastern time.
Me: No, Iâ€™m not.
Idiot: Yes, you are. Youâ€™re in Florida.
Me: (sigh) Iâ€™m in the Panhandle of Florida. Weâ€™re on Central time.
Idiot: No, Â youâ€™re Â not. Â Floridaâ€™s Â on Â Eastern Â time. Donâ€™t you know what time zone you live in?
Me: Iâ€™ve lived here for 20 years.
Idiot: And you donâ€™t know what zone youâ€™re in?
Me: Do you?
Idiot: Yes! Everybody knows that Floridaâ€™s on Eastern time! Iâ€™m sure of it!
Me: Well, okay, youâ€™re probably right. I mean, I just live here.
Idiot: Okay, weâ€™ll letâ€™s talk business.
Soâ€¦do you think I signed a contract with him?