It’s 11:00 — Do You Know Where Your Florida Is?

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Truth.

Sometimes I really enjoy it when people tell me I’m wrong. They’re so insistent…they  leave me laughing hysterically.

See, I live in the Florida Panhandle. It’s remote, with lots of white  beaches and emerald-green water, and it’s usually where people prefer to see hurricanes go because it’s less populated (gee, Life Coaching Tipsthanks), though it’s getting rather crowded.

Some people refer to it as “Lower Alabama.”  Some travel maps in the past have forgotten to include anything but the peninsula of  Florida as the state.

In the last presidential election, CNN and the major news  broadcasting  organizations  didn’t  realize  we were over here in the  Panhandle and announced the winning candidate for the state an hour before our polls closed, which  caused  some  locals  on  their  way  to  vote  to  go home instead  or  to  leave  the  voting  lines  they’d  been standing in. We didn’t have problems  here with  voting machines, just the media.

But every now and then, I have a conversation with someone who tells me I’m dead  wrong. For example….

Me: Hello?

Idiot: Hi, Lorna. Is this a good time? You said whatever I did, not to call before 8.

Me: Um, sure. (yawn) You’re a little early but let me just get my notes.

Idiot: Early? It’s 8:05.

Me: Actually, it’s 7:05, but if you give me a minute to get my notes, we can proceed.

Idiot: No, your clock’s wrong. It’s 8:05.

Me: Really?  (checking  watch,  checking  cell  phone, checking clock on wall, checking computer clock—all in one sweeping glance) No. It’s  7:05. I’m sure of it. 7:06 now.

Idiot: All your clocks are wrong? That’s weird.

Me: Um, where are you calling from?

Idiot: Ohio. Why? (No offense to all the non-idiots in

Ohio.)

Me: Ah. You’re on Eastern time. I’m on central time.

Idiot: No, you’re not.

Me: Excuse me?

Idiot: You’re on Eastern time.

Me: No, I’m not.

Idiot: Yes, you are. You’re in Florida.

Me: (sigh) I’m in the Panhandle of Florida. We’re on Central time.

Idiot: No,  you’re  not.  Florida’s  on  Eastern  time. Don’t you know what time zone you live in?

Me: I’ve lived here for 20 years.

Idiot: And you don’t know what zone you’re in?

Me: Do you?

Idiot: Yes! Everybody knows that Florida’s on Eastern time! I’m sure of it!

Me: Well, okay, you’re probably right. I mean, I just live here.

Idiot: Okay, we’ll let’s talk business.

So…do you think I signed a contract with him?