Something Real? Uranian Relationships
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Curves.
I must have tapped into someone today, because the gamut of emotions and how fast I moved to and through eachÂ one Â wasÂ phenomenalÂ and Â they Â werenâ€™t Â really Â my own emotions. I recognize that, and itâ€™s important that I do so I can distinguish and not take on Â someone Â elseâ€™s murky feelings, chameleon-like Pisces that I am.
Yesterday, when Shannon was taking her driving test at the DMV, I intentionally did not shield so that I could check on her. (â€œWow, how nervousâ€”she must be trying toÂ Â park Â Â Â nowâ€¦oh, Â Â Â Â Â hmmm,Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â sheâ€™s Â Â worried she Â just goofedâ€¦.â€) Unfortunately, Â I picked up Â on all the other new driversâ€™ anxieties as well as some stray ones popping in.
At lunch today, the idea hit me that the kind of life partnership (yes, romantic, marriage whatever) Â is really a Uranian relationship. Theyâ€™re unusual and, I believe, very beautiful, but few people can handle them or would dare entertain them. Associated with the astrological effects of Uranus, these Â relationships are meant to give both freedom and acceptance, and the Â successful Uranian couple will not put â€œnormalâ€ restrictions Â on each other because they already know how much each is loved. They donâ€™t worry that the love will die while one is out of town or that they need to know every minute where and what the other Â is Â doing. Â Itâ€™s Â an Â electric, Â electrifying Â relationship with lots of twists and deep exploration together, but un- conditional Â love Â for Â each Â other. Â Even Â if one Â fucks Â up badly, or if both do, the love is still there and not to be doubted, but Â they can both be themselves. That, to me, really is a beautiful thing.
Which is why at some point this afternoon, I felt like banging my head against my desk.
Whatâ€™s the point?
I kept asking myself. Might as well just shut off my heart and concentrate of business and sex and just forget about a real relationship Â or Â real freedom or real acceptance or real love.
Then I ditched the emotions that had collapsed onto me and reclaimed my own, but not without remembering that feeling of ambivalence and futility.
Is a Uranian love relationship really possible for me? For anyone?
I donâ€™t know.
So far, 99% of the men I meet instantly start trying to figure out Â how Â to change Â me, sometimes Â before Â weâ€™ve talked for a whole five minutes. You knowâ€¦their imaginations re-sculpt my body, re-dress me, Â lobotomize me. Most candidates for a love relationship either donâ€™t want to or cannot accept me as I am. Theyâ€™ve proven it before weâ€™ve even Â gotten to the point of testing the waters of whether a relationship of any type is viable.
It doesnâ€™t seem possible for anyone to just love me as I am. And Â thatâ€™s something Â I may never have. Itâ€™s certainly not been in plentitude throughout my life.
Iâ€™ve met only a couple of men (2 definitely, iffy on the 3rd) who really did seem to accept me and willing to just let me be me without trying to rewrite me into something else. Very cool dudes I think Â I Â could have accepted Â as they were, and did to the extent that I got to know them. Unfortunately, the pedestal they put me on was a lonely one Â and they had too many doubts about illusions and cold, hard realityâ€”and maybe, just maybe a very surprising and pleasant reality.
But Iâ€™m also rather sure that they, too, wondered ifÂ this kind of relationship Â could Â existâ€”with Â me or with anyone else. They were all very sure that with a long pat- tern of fuck-ups, that they would most certainly fuck-it- up again in a relationship with me and find my love conditional, even though Iâ€™ve never given them any reason to think Iâ€™d reject them for being real. But they canâ€™t believe in me and in the possibility of me being some kind of reward to them in this lifetime. Â Especially when weâ€™ve all been through relationships before with other people and there are so many possibilities of so many things that can go wrong and maybe the idea of this kind of relationship is just too perfect to risk messing it up by actually pursuing it.
I know that a Uranian relationship could be an amazing thing to have, and itâ€™s my ideal, but it takes fighting back all that uncertainly and insecurity most people have to make it happen some place besides in our minds. For most of us who want this kind of relationship, I think itâ€™s a matter of recognizing that itâ€™s not just a fantasy or illusion, but that it can be the real thing and that manifesting it on the physical plane rather than in our minds is worth the risk.