Forgiveness Is Not Condoning
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Curves.
I have one last bit of data to find before I can file the tax return I extended in April when I was sick and over- worked and sick of being overworked. I think I can safely find the data now because I unexpectedly Â found some- thing else Iâ€™ve been looking for for the past year. Notes from a session with a counselor, a session that was meant to be nothing more than a heading check for the course I was on and my healing process.
Obviously, I had to discover my notes tonight, rather than Â a year Â ago Â when Â I was Â turning the Â office Â upside down to find them. What they were doing in a box with cancelled checks, I have no idea. Especially since the box is new and Iâ€™ve been through it a dozen times. But…you know how quantum those physics can be!
In any case, it was a matter of timing. Â A year ago,Â those notes wouldnâ€™t have meant as much. I would have tossed them Â out, and nearly did before misplacing them right under Â my nose. Â A week Â ago, Â they Â wouldnâ€™t Â have mattered either. Â Tonight, Â they Â showed Â up Â at Â the Â exact time I needed to see them.
I knew Â precisely Â what Â they Â were Â at Â the Â moment Â I touched them, and all the memories of that session came flooding Â back, Â including Â the Â anger. Â Iâ€™m Â eager Â to Â work through my issues when they come up, yet that was the only time I ever argued with a counselor.
As we prepared to start our session, we chatted for a few moments Â about Â my health. I made Â the mistake Â of mentioning to him a recent medical diagnosis that I was actually quite okay with because it gave me answers and itâ€™s Â nothing Â bad Â atÂ all, in my Â opinion. Â (I Â have Â a tilted uterus, the kind of thing every gynecologist Iâ€™ve ever had thought was really cool, especially when I was preggers.) I didnâ€™t get Â around Â to explaining Â that I was fine with it,