Forgiveness Is Not Condoning

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Curves.

I have one last bit of data to find before I can file the tax return I extended in April when I was sick and over- worked and sick of being overworked. I think I can safely find the data now because I unexpectedly  found some- thing else I’ve been looking for for the past year. Notes from a session with a counselor, a session that was meant to be nothing more than a heading check for the course I was on and my healing process.

The Long-Awaited Honest-to-God Secret to Being Happy

Obviously, I had to discover my notes tonight, rather than  a year  ago  when  I was  turning the  office  upside down to find them. What they were doing in a box with cancelled checks, I have no idea. Especially since the box is new and I’ve been through it a dozen times. But…you know how quantum those physics can be!

In any case, it was a matter of timing.  A year ago, those notes wouldn’t have meant as much. I would have tossed them  out, and nearly did before misplacing them right under  my nose.  A week  ago,  they  wouldn’t  have mattered either.  Tonight,  they  showed  up  at  the  exact time I needed to see them.

I knew  precisely  what  they  were  at  the  moment  I touched them, and all the memories of that session came flooding  back,  including  the  anger.  I’m  eager  to  work through my issues when they come up, yet that was the only time I ever argued with a counselor.

As we prepared to start our session, we chatted for a few moments  about  my health. I made  the mistake  of mentioning to him a recent medical diagnosis that I was actually quite okay with because it gave me answers and it’s  nothing  bad  at  all, in my  opinion.  (I  have  a tilted uterus, the kind of thing every gynecologist I’ve ever had thought was really cool, especially when I was preggers.) I didn’t get  around  to explaining  that I was fine with it,