Working Through: Breaking Through
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Tilt.
Thursday night, driving home
I’m not sure, but I think I understand this up-and- down pressure in the past week, the constant waffling between 1. consciously seeking out a relationship among the many choices I have right here and right now and 2. waiting for something better.
I’ve been hearing a lot of whispers for the last month, telling me “Your choice, your choice. You get to choose.”
And at the same time, I’m being presented with so many options and being told by my guidance repeatedly that there is a major relationship just ahead of me, that I’m right on top of it. It’s so close. It’s just a matter of the next few months before it happens, with life-altering decisions coming by yearend.
Sometimes they give me dates or seasons, but I don’t really so much trust either when they come from the Ether. Their way of understanding time is different from ours. The linear fashion of time is far more important to those of us who have not passed over.
They insist that a man is coming up next, and that things are going to be so very good. Not perfect and not without problems but a good relationship. A Ten of Cups kind of relationship.
The other thing they show me is that I have options, lots of options, lots of choices I never realized were there before. Good choices and bad choices. Men who would make me happy and men who would ruin my life but the joy is definitely there for me if I’m willing to reach out and grab him. Um…so to speak.
Peer pressure is nothing compared to pressure the Ether exerts, that weighing down of intuition all around me, with being given choices, being pressured to move on something or not move on something or to make a decision.
This is some kind of fork in the road. I don’t under- stand, but it is.
And so it’s another epiphany—one that shines brightly as I walk to my car after another 12-hour day at work, the digital recorder in my hand for the intention of dictating my novel on the way home. As I walk across the pavement, all I can do is berate myself for feeling stuck, for jumping between these two tracks of what I want and don’t want and not sure of either one or why this pres- sure is suddenly so great. It goes beyond the usual incessant hammering at me from everyone around me to get out and date more and to get into a physical relationship
— — right now — — and to stop holding out for some- one who sweeps me away.
I think to myself, almost saying it out loud, that I don’t want just anybody. Yes, I can go have just anybody but I don’t want just anybody. Maybe I’m fighting biology but my heart just isn’t in it. I look at my married friends with their no-strings lovers and I want something more and I really don’t think I’m going to find it among any of these new men who are coming into my life over the past couple of weeks.
That’s the fork in the road. The real choice to be made. I can have it now and have good and not be alone or I can wait just a little longer and have great.
That’s when I hear the whisper in the air. “Are you sure? This is what you want? That’s your decision?”
Yeah. Yeah! It is! I’m willing to wait for something even better.
And suddenly I understand. Free will. Destiny. The fork in the road. The immense pressure to make a decision and make it…today.
Something is happening. Maybe in my life, maybe in the life of the man who is coming to me. Or maybe in the life of the man I am passing by. But something in this timeline that required a decision by me—to embark on a road with some new man in the here and now who’ll be good for me or to wait for someone who’ll be even bet- ter.
The sense of pressure to choose a man is gone. I’m calm now. Very. And completely uninterested in the men who’ve been vying for my attention. And completely okay with being completely uninterested.
Today, I had to make a choice of which future I want, and I chose to be patient a while longer (egad, did I really do the more patience thing?!) Now things can take a different course so that the fork in the road will allow me to intersect with a man not currently in my life. Maybe I had to make the decision today so that he won’t end up with the wrong woman tomorrow or so that he can decide to direct his energy to a better place and help me make the earth move.