The Bane of Being Single in Transition Time

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Tilt.

I’ve never had any problem being alone, but I’ve decided I don’t necessarily want it all the time. Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure of that. I like having people around, people I adore,  just  not  underfoot  or  hovering.  But…around…in my sphere. Occasionally sharing my air.

The Long-Awaited Honest-to-God Secret to Being Happy

It’s weird  this  week  with  everyone  gone.  The  girls won’t be back until next week. Everyone I know is gone. Gone. Including at work—almost everyone’s on vacation or getting surgeried up or on a trip of some sort. Except for one meeting I was in, I’ve seen maybe 5 people in my whole building over the past few days. Okay, the meeting wasn’t in my building. Seems most people decided to vacation early this year, before the hurricanes. This time last year, we were gearing up for the first biggie of the season, which was nothing compared to Katrina.

Of course, part of it is that the girls have called from Canada in the past two nights, homesick  for me. Crying on the phone. I miss them, too. They weren’t homesick when we were all together in Daytona, so  the  upside is that they really miss their mom. Nice to know.

The 5 people who are at work this week all told me how lucky I am to have the house to myself. Yeah, I’m getting lots of work done, but it doesn’t feel so lucky. I miss my kids. To my colleagues, it’s lucky because they all desperately  need  some  solitude  right  now  and  they’re busy telling me what I need. People feel inclined  to do that, I suppose. Project their needs onto me.

Well, this solitude has served its need. I like my solitude, but I like my people, too.

Too much is up in the air right now and I’m not inclined to go make new friends until I know which direction I’m going in—literally. I want to get away from the coast, away from the hurricanes.  I want to take my children  inland  to  some  place  a  little  safer.  Blame  it  on Katrina and the there-but-for-the  grace-of-the-Gods-go-I syndrome,  but  I’m  so  nervous  about  those  tropics.  I haven’t taken any physical steps yet, but emotionally, it’s weighing on me.

It doesn’t seem fair to get into any new relationships here if I do  relocate away from the shoreline. That’s an investment  of myself that feels better spent on completing my work and expanding my education into new areas that might open up a new career. I’m isolating myself in doing this,  but  my  process  now  seems  to be more  of shedding  in preparation  for the new and the new  isn’t here yet.

So tonight,  I’m a bit on the lonely side, something that doesn’t really happen that often. I remember  plenty of times when  I  was married that I was lonelier. But I needed for solitude  to cross  over tonight  to see that I want the life I’m building to include people, a variety of friends and family and people I adore, some in my house to visit regularly and others to share my meals and bed.

Yes, something else for my wish list. People.