Repeating Frustrating Patterns in Romance, Career, and Life
The labyrinth at the Florida Pagan Gathering at dusk–a powerful maze for contemplation. The best thing about labyrinths is that you just let your feet follow the path and your mind flies to more spiritual planes. Photo Copyright by Lorna Tedder; all rights reserved.
From the upcoming book, 23 Ways I Screwed Up My Life with the Law of Attraction—and How I Fixed It
My 17-year-old sprawls across the passenger seat, her injured foot on the dashboard, and she cuddles against her pillow. Her mood is that of a wounded kitten, and she’s withdrawn rather than her usual outgoing and delightful self.
I don’t understand how I could have manifested this,” she whimpers.
She’s not talking about her foot.
Her foot injury is a simple accident that resulted in a lot of pain, soreness, and blood–and hopefully not a broken toe. That happened as we were leaving four days of camping and festival-making in the Ocala National Forest. The throbbing foot was the icing on the cake, a culmination of her frustrations. Easy to see how that one manifested.
Instead, she’s talking about how much she’d looked forward to this festival–for weeks–only to wind up feeling shut-down by people she’d admired because of a new policy put in effect that felt like a gut-punch rejection. We’d both been so thrilled about this trip that we were thrown off-kilter by a series of events that left her tearful and me pissed off on her behalf. Of all the camping trips we’ve been a part of since 2006, this was probably the worst for us–and the only one where we considered leaving a day early and finally left for home feeling low instead of amped. Considering that we’ve attended past festivals when my dad was dying and also right after two big heartbreaks, that’s saying something. What saved the trip for us was being involved with particular circles of friends as well as some great workshops and talks. The downers were all specific to a policy that affected her, one where she’d followed the rules 100% and the rules were changed on her mid-way. Not her fault and no way to change minds …which was another reason we took it so hard. We had no control over a hurtful situation.
As she sleeps and I drive for six hours, I start trying to figure it out for myself. How exactly did this manifest when we’d left for the trip exuberant about the possibilities? The present situation, simply, boils down to legalities involving a minor child and her professional photography. It involves being told she’s misunderstood, it involves feeling coerced into agreeing that what she’s told is okay, and it involves her having to be the bearer of disappointing news. It involves her being pulled into the politics of adults and, to some extent, being pitted against her mother. Funny, but that’s incredibly familiar, isn’t it?
Different characters, different setting, but the same elements of plot and theme. It’s a replay of a situation that has not yet fully resolved. We’re still repeating that pattern, that “vibration” of six weeks ago, and it’s still an active pattern that we haven’t broken, even though we thought we were done with it.
Six weeks ago, Aislinn was pulled into a situation that left me equally as angry at seeing her put in the middle of what should have been between adults. The past situation, simply, boiled down to the questionable legality–and definitely the ethics–of involving my minor child and her professional photography talents in someone else’s deceptive activities. She was told she’d misunderstood (about me), felt she had no choice but to agree and keep quiet, and left to be the bearer of disappointing news that should have been delivered by an adult. She was put in a predicament where she was pitted against her mother, and Mom was very unhappy about that, enough so to involve authorities.
The past situation of six weeks ago isn’t just in Aislinn’s vibration but it’s still in mine. I recognized that almost immediately–a month ago at least. My part of the past situation is more personal than professional, and though I can immediately end a relationship with a long-term liar with multiple girlfriends who don’t know about each other, I cannot immediately change my entire vibration so that I don’t repeat it. How did I recognize my vibration? Easy–all I had to do was look at what was going on around me.
The first two guys to approach me about dinner dates were already encumbered and lying through their teeth about it. One was married, according to his social networking site, but “getting a divorce,” according to him. I didn’t just take his word for it. I quizzed him about whether she knew they were getting a divorce and golly-gee-whiz, but she’s on a business trip and he’s planned to talk to her about it when she gets home. The other guy, when pressed for details about the girlfriend shown on his social networking site, became quite cagey. About 3 hours before we were to meet for dinner, he finally told me that he was on his way to see her to break up with her (he hadn’t already as he’d sworn) and he’d see me afterward at dinner. Wow, thanks, dude!
I decided not to date anyone new for a little while, until this pattern of lying scumbags had passed. When I ventured out again, I met a seemingly sweet man who said all the right things–and like the last man in my life, went to great lengths (oooh, I mean the last two men in my life) to keep his girlfriend a secret on his social networking sites and somehow failed to mention her except eventually to refer to her as a “friend.” Sheesh, isn’t it exhausting to walk such tight ropes? These guys could probably produce enough electricity to fuel North America if they spent their energy on positive works rather than deception. The highlight of their lies is that almost every time, their other girlfriends turn into crazy stalker chicks who feel the need to blame me for their men not being truthful with them or with me. In the end, they end up with their liars and not me–and that’s not a bad thing at all.
So in looking around at the men I’m still meeting, that pattern of liars is still there for me. And my fix for that is to not date, to not get involved, to just keep things easy and single for a while. Kinda gives new meaning to the term sucka-free, doesn’t it?
But the pattern is still there for Aislinn, too. How to fix it? Maybe she’ll break her pattern by not offering or not being talking into offering her photography skills for free, whether they’re paid for later or not. Or maybe she’ll just make sure her skills are really wanted and appreciated. I don’t know. Given the good heart she has, it would be far harder for me to convince her not to volunteer for the next photography project that arises for a good cause than it is for me to decide to forgo men for a while.