â€œI Know This Guy You Should Meet….â€
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Separation.
Another day, another colleague trying to fix me up with a new man. Sigh.
Today, I just walked away. I just couldnâ€™t stand to hear it anymore. Especially the advice on wearing a suit to meet them and not to mention my religion.
I realize that, eventually, the urge to find a mate will get stronger Â and Iâ€™ll start doing some serious looking. Right now, Iâ€™m wondering why anyone needs to fix me up with anyone. I know the men theyâ€™re talking about and those men know me. If those prospective suitors want badly enough to be with me or to get to know me better, then theyâ€™ll get off their butts and give me a call or email me or something. Conversely, I guess none of these â€œfix-you-upper menâ€ have interested me enough for me to contact them.
Most Â likelyâ€”Iâ€™m Â realizing Â with Â a Â small Â degree Â of worryâ€”I will have to move to find someone new that Iâ€™m compatible with. I made decisions to stay here, to stay in this house, to stay in my current job, based on what I thought was best for my Â daughters Â and Â not Â necessarily Â what Â was Â best Â for Â me. Â It would have been much easier to sell the house and just go else- where, start over, but I wanted some stability for the girls, some- thing not changing, and for them to keep their schools and their friends. And that meant that the day I filed for divorce, I needed to know that I intended to stay with the house and the girls.
Yet, the attachment to the house is not necessarily a for- ever thing. Anywhere I am can be homeâ€”Iâ€™ve proven that. But this house is an attachment Iâ€™ve made very important in building a safe place, a sanctuary, for my family, yet as Hurricane Katrina proved, maybe itâ€™s not such a permanent thing in my life on the Gulf Coast. And eventually, Iâ€™ll probably leave it, Â especially if Iâ€™m to find new circles of friends and a decent ratio of compatible men.
Not that I have to be compatible in every way, but the opposites-attract thing isnâ€™t so appealing when the opposition is so basic. I like opposition to be the type thatâ€™s grounding to my dreaminess.Â Â PracticalityÂ Â vs Â my Â head-in-the-clouds Â visionary mind. But not the kind of opposition that turns to oppression and throws a wet blanket over my fire and smothers my spark. FireÂ andÂ waterÂ isÂ tooÂ muchÂ anÂ opposition.Â FireÂ andÂ sulfur? Thatâ€™s more like it.
The most likely location for me to find a compatible mate is probably in a university town. Thereâ€™s usually enough of the Â intelligentsia Â around, Â itâ€™s Â more Â open-minded Â and Â cutting edge, and thereâ€™s always Â good Â music. Iâ€™m open. Things could change here or I could discover a Â social group I donâ€™t know about that thinks like I do. A long shot, considering how long Iâ€™ve lived here, but possible.
The prevailing attitudes here are staid and stodgy and conservative, and I donâ€™t like being involved with guys I feel I canâ€™t be myself with. Because Iâ€™m not going to put on a faÃ§ade and Iâ€™m not going Â to fake anything. If I have to fake some- thingâ€”anythingâ€”then Iâ€™m wasting whatâ€™s real. But I think a lot of men would prefer I fake my life as long as I can fit nicely into their view of the world and not challenge their status quo. They want me to be happy being what they want me to be, not who I am.
My colleagues are quick to point outâ€”unsolicitedâ€”what I â€œneed Â to Â doâ€ to make a guy like me. I prefer someone who likes me not in spite of who I am, but because Iâ€™m me.
Why is that so much to ask?