Do I Want to Be a Cyborg?

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Separation.

Two of my favorite shows, when I was a kid, were The Six Million Dollar Man and  The Bionic Woman. In  fact,  Lindsay Wagner’s  bionic  action-adventure  heroine  was  my  strongest Hollywood role model, which is why meeting her several years ago was such a thrill for me. But would I want to be part ma- chine? Would I trade any of my parts to toss out the natural and replace it with the artificial?

The Long-Awaited Honest-to-God Secret to Being Happy

I never—after my teen years, anyway—thought much about  breast augmentation until around a year ago when my new group of friends all seemed to be either sporting silicone or weighing the need for silicone vs the need to pay the mortgage. I found it curious but not enough to do anything about it for myself.

And then there was the new acquaintance who had all her back  teeth removed so she could give a better blowjob. My Gods. Somehow that particular procedure and the reasons for it never in a million years would have crossed my mind.

I don’t like disturbing the natural energy flow of the body,  whether  that’s  dental  or  major  surgery.  I  never  could bring myself to get my tubes tied, though I’ve thought about it for many years. I just don’t like…messing with “stuff.” In the same vein, I don’t like popping pills  either and was surprised when giving my medical history today to realize I haven’t take a prescription pill of any sort in almost a year. I’ve been handling most everything with exercise, diet, and meditation.

A surprising number of my women friends, especially the newly  divorced ones who barely top 40, have been reclaiming their bodies with  face lifts, nips and tucks, and all kinds of “work.” I’d said, back in my 20’s, that I’d never do that, but it’s easy to say that in your 20’s. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll do a bit of it, too, in a few years. I don’t know that I’d do much prior to being in a committed relationship, though. I’d want to know the guy is interested in my colors and not just the palette. But I’ll keep an open mind and if it makes me feel good, I’ll do it any- way, whether or not I’m in a relationship.

I don’t consider Lasix surgery on my eyes to be the same as cosmetic surgery, but something really threw me today when I was at a screening to see if I’m a candidate. I was told I am, and that my  preference  for wearing contacts that allow me to see very well within  closer ranges and glasses over them for driving and staring at the stars is  unusual. With Lasix, I have three options: 1. I can have distance vision  and wear reading glasses for everything close up, which puts me in glasses most of the time, 2. Monovision—one eye geared for distance vision and one for close vision, and 3. Close vision with Lasix and glasses for distance as I do now with my contacts. Then the technician mentioned another possibility—an artificial lens that would give distance, intermediate, and close-up vision. In other words, the ophthalmologist would remove the natural lens of my eye and give me an artificial one. I’ll have to do some research on that, but…oooooh, maybe I can squint and see really, really far like Steve Austin?

I remember as a kid watching those shows and thinking it would be  cool to have machine-enhanced body parts. Now, I find it sort of spooky. Maybe because it’s so much closer to being real. Maybe because I like natural. But I’ll have to think about it, research it, come to terms with it and decide if I can do that or if I want something a little closer to natural. Opportuni- ties for the new and different show up every day at an amazing speed.

The technician gave me tons of literature to read over and urged me to read up on the artificial lens before making a decision. Then she finished filling out a chart on me.

“Do you  plan  on  becoming  pregnant  in  the  next  six months?” she asked.

When I stopped laughing, I said, “I don’t plan on any- thing anymore.”