Would Someone Please Explain Dating to My Spirit Guides?
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Freedom .
â€œYou need to date more.â€
Crap. What now? Iâ€™m looking at my intuitive friend, Shawna, over hot chocolate and shaking my head. I assure her Iâ€™m doing just fine and Iâ€™m quite busy. Not dating more than I do is not some kind of deficiencyâ€”itâ€™s a choice not to lower my standardsâ€”and Iâ€™m a little offended.
I really donâ€™t have time to go looking for a man, if thatâ€™s what sheâ€™s suggesting. Iâ€™m just trying to make it through my next deadline and then maybe Iâ€™ll think about romance but itâ€™s not the focus of my day, except for the romance between the hero and heroine in my novel. And right now, theyâ€™re not getting any either.
I didnâ€™t ask for dating advice, but sheâ€™s sure her spirit guides are trying to tell me something. I need to date more. Theyâ€™re emphatic.
My response? â€œDo I have to?â€
Iâ€™ve just been living life for the past few months, doing my own thing, not concerned about meeting new men, and out the blue, I get this: you need to date more.
Dating is time-consuming, but itâ€™s energy-consuming, too. The dating process itself can easily be a part-time job, one I donâ€™t want. And for me to find someone Iâ€™m compatible with would mean overtime. Thatâ€™s a lot of energy going out to other people when the energy doesnâ€™t always flow back to me. Itâ€™s hard to find that kind of electrical circuit with a man that makes the expenditure worth my time. Maybe if I were less eccentric, Iâ€™d find someone compatible with ease. But thatâ€™s not the case.
No, I donâ€™t.
But Iâ€™m bothered, so I call Shawna back. â€œWhy should I put out that kind of energy when there are so many other places I could focus my attentions?â€
She tells me Iâ€™ll learn more about myself by dating more. Okay, Iâ€™ll bite. So far Iâ€™ve learned what I donâ€™t wantâ€¦and in a couple of cases, what I do want. But mostly what I do not want, what I will not put up with, what ainâ€™t gonna happen.
She gently reprimands me that I need to be less critical of men.
â€œLower my standards? I donâ€™t want to do that,â€ I tell her.
â€œNot exactly. Theyâ€™re telling me to tell you that youâ€™re not to take them home or sleep with them. Just do lunch. Youâ€™ll learn interesting things from them about yourself and theyâ€™ll learn a lot from you. And,â€ she adds, â€œif nothing else, itâ€™s a free meal.â€
Huh? Her guides said that? I donâ€™t like that free meal thing. Just not me.
â€œSo eat with them but then send them home alone?â€
â€œYes. Donâ€™t worry about any new men coming into your life.â€
Okay. Confused now. I hang up and call her back an hour later.
â€œShawna, tell me exactly what your spirit guides are saying about dating. Are they giving you the words to say?â€
â€œSometimes. Mostly images.â€
Then she describes a lovely scene of me sitting at a fast food table in a food court with a great looking guy across the table from me. Heâ€™s eating a chicken wrap and Iâ€™ve got Chinese. Weâ€™re actively talking, and Iâ€™m in a slightly sexy purple blouse. Itâ€™s an animated conversation and thereâ€™s much to be learned from each other.
â€œAnd thatâ€™s the date youâ€™re being shown?â€
â€œYes. Just donâ€™t sleep with him. Youâ€™re only to talk with him.â€
I thank Shawna and hang up. No, I wonâ€™t be sleeping with this man. I know exactly whom sheâ€™s seeing and what.
This is a man Iâ€™ve worked with since 1993, a friend whoâ€™s been happily married for as long as Iâ€™ve known him. I had lunch with him last weekâ€”the chicken wrap and Chinese, me in a purple blouse. We ran into each other at lunch and he invited me to eat and chat with him. We had a wonderful intellectual conversation that included Iraqi politics and relationship dynamics. I was vaguely aware that someone watching may have thought we had a relationship more personal than â€œjust friends,â€ as some people do when they see two people of the opposite sex sharing a meal and wild hand gestures. To someone looking in, it may have appeared to be a date.
Iâ€™ve done the same recently with other married men I have absolutely no physical or emotional interest in. Nothing against single menâ€¦.just none have run into me at lunch and wanted to chat. I get something out of those conversations and they seem to as well. I donâ€™t seek them outâ€¦we just run into each other and end up talking. I canâ€™t see myself ever showing up at their homes or even alone in a car with them, but food courts seem to work out just fine.
Itâ€™s satisfying, and I crave intellectual banter. It also meets the criteria for the non-romantic â€œdatesâ€ Shawnaâ€™s spirit guides have been seeing. Iâ€™ve had more of these talks at lunch recently with men than with womenâ€¦nothing intentionalâ€¦.just turned out that way.
Her spirit guides didnâ€™t mention dating women, but itâ€™s a lesson for me in remembering that the medium always interprets according to her own frame of reference.