Why I’m More Okay Now Than Before
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Freedom .
I’m thinking about this a bit more because I’ve written several times in the past year that hey, I’m okay. Sometimes it sounds like a surprise and other times like so much self-talk so I don’t shrink back to where I was, but it’s really more the former than the latter. I think it’s because a couple of years ago, I wasn’t okay, my faith in everything I’d built my life around had been shattered to nothingness and didn’t believe it would ever be okay again.
Then I was tentatively okay and not knowing if I was okay and just so unsure. I could tell myself I’d be okay, but I had no recent experience with being okay. Only time would tell if I really would be okay.
As I realized my own worth and my own abilities and got back the self-confidence that had been shattered again and again, each time I saw the success, I could tell myself, Hey, I’m okay.
Eventually, I started seeing the evidence that yes, I was okay. Then it became easier to believe, in my head at least. Intellectually, I knew I’d be okay.
But this is a new level of okay now. The okayness has traveled all the way up my spine now, to my head, and finally down to my heart and into my fingertips. I finally know in my heart and through every inch of my being that I’ll be okay, and that I am okay.
There’s a wonderful sense of peace in that.