Why Iâ€™m More Okay Now Than Before
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Freedom .
Iâ€™m thinking about this a bit more because Iâ€™ve written several times in the past year that hey, Iâ€™m okay. Sometimes it sounds like a surprise and other times like so much self-talk so I donâ€™t shrink back to where I was, but itâ€™s really more the former than the latter. I think itâ€™s because a couple of years ago, I wasnâ€™t okay, my faith in everything Iâ€™d built my life around had been shattered to nothingness and didnâ€™t believe it would ever be okay again.
Then I was tentatively okay and not knowing if I was okay and just so unsure. I could tell myself Iâ€™d be okay, but I had no recent experience with being okay. Only time would tell if I really would be okay.
As I realized my own worth and my own abilities and got back the self-confidence that had been shattered again and again, each time I saw the success, I could tell myself, Hey, Iâ€™m okay.
Eventually, I started seeing the evidence that yes, I was okay. Then it became easier to believe, in my head at least. Intellectually, I knew Iâ€™d be okay.
But this is a new level of okay now. The okayness has traveled all the way up my spine now, to my head, and finally down to my heart and into my fingertips. I finally know in my heart and through every inch of my being that Iâ€™ll be okay, and that I am okay.
Thereâ€™s a wonderful sense of peace in that.