The Gods Are Laughing at Me!

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Freedom.

Be careful what you ask for because the Gods have a really wicked sense of humor. The Universe, God, Gods, angels, guides, whatever you choose to call It or Them…though in this case, I think it’s a Them because I swear I can hear Them laughing at times. Like most of the past year.

Let’s see… what was it I prayed for when I was going through my divorce? Ah, yes. “Next time, please send me a man who can help me heal my broken heart.”

The next man to saunter into my life? A healer. Yeah, can’t you just see the Gods slapping each other on the back, doubled over, proud of themselves, hooting with the irony of it? Of course, the irony wasn’t enough. They had to inject more.

“Let’s make him a wounded healer who has a broken heart of his own! We’ll make sure he’s utterly fascinated by her…just so worried she’ll stomp his heart like his ex did, that he can’t act on it.”

Yeah. Very funny. Thanks.

“Oh, and what else was it she wished for? That the next man in her life would have as much integrity as she does. Let’s add that to the mix. Let’s make sure that he’s got more integrity than any man she’s ever cared for in the past, ever. And now let’s watch his integrity bring up issues again and again that will keep them apart. And in the middle of all this, let’s let her fall totally, unexpectedly, so-didn’t-mean-to, head-over-heels in love with the guy!”

By now, the Gods are rolling on the floor, laughing.

“Didn’t she ask for something else?” One of the Gods asks between snorts of laughter. “Something about a man who really ‘gets her’ and she ‘gets him’?”

“Yeah. Yeah, she did. And something else she wanted. What was it? That her next relationship be undefined by societal definitions of a love relationship?”

“Yes! And that it be a wild ride, never boring, with all kinds of intensity and feelings she’s never had before!”

The God on the floor slaps His knee. “Yeah, I think We’ve taken care of that for her. Anything else she wanted?”

“I think she mentioned wanting a man who would help her grow and learn more about herself.”

“Well, then, mission accomplished. We’ve given her everything she asked for.”Flying By Night novel

Snicker, snicker.

You’d think that would be enough, but apparently it isn’t and the Gods get bored and need a little humor in Their running of the Universe. I am not happy to oblige.

They get restless and start whispering in my ear again to go check out the dating scene, see what’s out there, come on, let’s check it out, go see what’s out there, come on, let’s go, come on now, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.

Go.

They’re so insistent that I always wonder if They’ve got some great guy I need to meet, like, right now. So I drop everything and go look at my, er, prospects. It’s almost as if They’re holding Their Godly breath, and then They see the look on my face and burst into laughter as I wonder almost instantly, “Why did I even bother???”

Sometimes it reminds me of a kid playing with a pet, showing the puppy a cookie he can’t have. Holding it out for the puppy, and then, as he runs for it, the kid hides the cookie and the puppy slams into the cupboard, face-first, with a dazed look. And the kid just laughs and laughs.

I don’t understand how They can send me to go check out romantic candidates and within 24 hours—48 at most—I’m getting the opposite message that “No! Don’t go there! We were just kidding! You’re not supposed to be with any of those guys and if you try to take one home with you, we will give you the most incredible case of 24-hour flu you’ve ever experienced just to make you break the date.” (Which seriously explains the whole month of April!)

The only thing I can figure is that They’re showing me the real scum that’s out there so I’ll have a good point of reference. If anything, I’m learning what I definitely don’t want in a relationship. The people who tell me I’m being overly critical of my prospects generally haven’t dated since their early 20’s when they were childless and not set in their careers or lifestyles. Different world now, and one I’d just as soon stay away from as deal with the last few men I’ve vaguely considered going out with. It’s enough to make a girl think about moving to find a better pool of men.

– The 33-year-old real estate developer who wanted to meet me for a movie: “Oh. You have kids. I don’t mess with women with kids.”

– The 44-year-old engineer I’d just asked to join me for an impromptu lunch who answered with: “You know, I remember the first time I ever saw you…I think you were 100 pounds soaking wet. I know you’ve been losing weight but what’s your goal?”

– The mid-50’s doctor who’d asked me to meet him at the hospital cafeteria for lunch for, I suppose, an interview and then explained himself: “What I’m really looking for is a wife, somebody to hold down the fort while I’m at work and take care of my teenaged kids.”

– The 31-year-old adorably cute general manager just before asking me to a local club and telling me he could go for someone like me: “You live in Bluewater? You must be sorta wealthy. I’ll bet you’ve got money to burn.”

– The somewhat interesting 39-year-old pilot who responded to an invite to hot chocolate on a cold afternoon: “I don’t pursue relationships with women over 30, definitely not over 35. I really want several kids of my own and your clock’s ticking.”

– The late 50’s business owner who’d emailed me at my website several times: “I don’t care much for wasting time on dinner and dancing. My lady friends all call me Peter Rabbit, you know. I’ll be happy to jump in your bed any time.”

Where do the Gods come up with these losers? And I’m not supposed to be critical of this? I don’t think so!

Yes, They’re showing me what I don’t want in a relationship and won’t waste my time on. And sending me out there to check it out every couple of months just reiterates what I do want.

And, too, provides the Gods with some amusement.

Astrologically, my big lesson for the past year was to be about relationships. That’s true. It’s where my focus has been. Relationships of all sorts. And how I relate to other people. And what I want out of my relationships and what I’m willing and not willing to endure.

The scary thing? Astrologically, next year’s focus isn’t on relationships but on work and self-expression. Well, now, that should provide the Gods with lots of opportunities for fun….