The Gods Are Laughing at Me!
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Freedom.
Be careful what you ask for because the Gods have a really wicked sense of humor. The Universe, God, Gods, angels, guides, whatever you choose to call It or Them…though in this case, I think itâ€™s a Them because I swear I can hear Them laughing at times. Like most of the past year.
Letâ€™s see… what was it I prayed for when I was going through my divorce? Ah, yes. â€œNext time, please send me a man who can help me heal my broken heart.â€
The next man to saunter into my life? A healer. Yeah, canâ€™t you just see the Gods slapping each other on the back, doubled over, proud of themselves, hooting with the irony of it? Of course, the irony wasnâ€™t enough. They had to inject more.
â€œLetâ€™s make him a wounded healer who has a broken heart of his own! Weâ€™ll make sure heâ€™s utterly fascinated by her…just so worried sheâ€™ll stomp his heart like his ex did, that he canâ€™t act on it.â€
Yeah. Very funny. Thanks.
â€œOh, and what else was it she wished for? That the next man in her life would have as much integrity as she does. Letâ€™s add that to the mix. Letâ€™s make sure that heâ€™s got more integrity than any man sheâ€™s ever cared for in the past, ever. And now letâ€™s watch his integrity bring up issues again and again that will keep them apart. And in the middle of all this, letâ€™s let her fall totally, unexpectedly, so-didnâ€™t-mean-to, head-over-heels in love with the guy!â€
By now, the Gods are rolling on the floor, laughing.
â€œDidnâ€™t she ask for something else?â€ One of the Gods asks between snorts of laughter. â€œSomething about a man who really â€˜gets herâ€™ and she â€˜gets himâ€™?â€
â€œYeah. Yeah, she did. And something else she wanted. What was it? That her next relationship be undefined by societal definitions of a love relationship?â€
â€œYes! And that it be a wild ride, never boring, with all kinds of intensity and feelings sheâ€™s never had before!â€
The God on the floor slaps His knee. â€œYeah, I think Weâ€™ve taken care of that for her. Anything else she wanted?â€
â€œI think she mentioned wanting a man who would help her grow and learn more about herself.â€
Youâ€™d think that would be enough, but apparently it isnâ€™t and the Gods get bored and need a little humor in Their running of the Universe. I am not happy to oblige.
They get restless and start whispering in my ear again to go check out the dating scene, see whatâ€™s out there, come on, letâ€™s check it out, go see whatâ€™s out there, come on, letâ€™s go, come on now, letâ€™s go, letâ€™s go, letâ€™s go.
Theyâ€™re so insistent that I always wonder if Theyâ€™ve got some great guy I need to meet, like, right now. So I drop everything and go look at my, er, prospects. Itâ€™s almost as if Theyâ€™re holding Their Godly breath, and then They see the look on my face and burst into laughter as I wonder almost instantly, â€œWhy did I even bother???â€
Sometimes it reminds me of a kid playing with a pet, showing the puppy a cookie he canâ€™t have. Holding it out for the puppy, and then, as he runs for it, the kid hides the cookie and the puppy slams into the cupboard, face-first, with a dazed look. And the kid just laughs and laughs.
I donâ€™t understand how They can send me to go check out romantic candidates and within 24 hoursâ€”48 at mostâ€”Iâ€™m getting the opposite message that â€œNo! Donâ€™t go there! We were just kidding! Youâ€™re not supposed to be with any of those guys and if you try to take one home with you, we will give you the most incredible case of 24-hour flu youâ€™ve ever experienced just to make you break the date.â€ (Which seriously explains the whole month of April!)
The only thing I can figure is that Theyâ€™re showing me the real scum thatâ€™s out there so Iâ€™ll have a good point of reference. If anything, Iâ€™m learning what I definitely donâ€™t want in a relationship. The people who tell me Iâ€™m being overly critical of my prospects generally havenâ€™t dated since their early 20â€™s when they were childless and not set in their careers or lifestyles. Different world now, and one Iâ€™d just as soon stay away from as deal with the last few men Iâ€™ve vaguely considered going out with. Itâ€™s enough to make a girl think about moving to find a better pool of men.
– The 33-year-old real estate developer who wanted to meet me for a movie: â€œOh. You have kids. I donâ€™t mess with women with kids.â€
– The 44-year-old engineer Iâ€™d just asked to join me for an impromptu lunch who answered with: â€œYou know, I remember the first time I ever saw you…I think you were 100 pounds soaking wet. I know youâ€™ve been losing weight but whatâ€™s your goal?â€
– The mid-50â€™s doctor whoâ€™d asked me to meet him at the hospital cafeteria for lunch for, I suppose, an interview and then explained himself: â€œWhat Iâ€™m really looking for is a wife, somebody to hold down the fort while Iâ€™m at work and take care of my teenaged kids.â€
– The 31-year-old adorably cute general manager just before asking me to a local club and telling me he could go for someone like me: â€œYou live in Bluewater? You must be sorta wealthy. Iâ€™ll bet youâ€™ve got money to burn.â€
– The somewhat interesting 39-year-old pilot who responded to an invite to hot chocolate on a cold afternoon: â€œI donâ€™t pursue relationships with women over 30, definitely not over 35. I really want several kids of my own and your clockâ€™s ticking.â€
– The late 50â€™s business owner whoâ€™d emailed me at my website several times: â€œI donâ€™t care much for wasting time on dinner and dancing. My lady friends all call me Peter Rabbit, you know. Iâ€™ll be happy to jump in your bed any time.â€
Where do the Gods come up with these losers? And Iâ€™m not supposed to be critical of this? I donâ€™t think so!
Yes, Theyâ€™re showing me what I donâ€™t want in a relationship and wonâ€™t waste my time on. And sending me out there to check it out every couple of months just reiterates what I do want.
And, too, provides the Gods with some amusement.
Astrologically, my big lesson for the past year was to be about relationships. Thatâ€™s true. Itâ€™s where my focus has been. Relationships of all sorts. And how I relate to other people. And what I want out of my relationships and what Iâ€™m willing and not willing to endure.
The scary thing? Astrologically, next yearâ€™s focus isnâ€™t on relationships but on work and self-expression. Well, now, that should provide the Gods with lots of opportunities for fun….