Attracting the Wrong Kind of People, and Why
Photo credit by -RobW-; creative commons license
From the upcoming book, 23 Ways I Screwed Up My LifeÂ with the Law of Attractionâ€”and How I Fixed It
I had a date with aÂ man I canâ€™t get out of my head.Â Normally, that would be a wonderful thing becauseâ€”normally–there would be something pleasantly fascinating about the man.Â In this case, I’ve had problems figuring out how I ever attracted him into my life in the first place.
As my readers know, when I talk about such scenarios, I use composites or describe the guy in such a way that none but my closest friends have any idea who I’m talking about.Â The man in this case was someone I’d met through a website, sight unseen.Â He’d posted something interesting on a forum and I responded, and in turn he asked me to dinner.Â He was older than most of the men I usually date but was open-minded and willing to take a risk.Â The worst that could happen?Â We’d continue a great conversation started online, with a focus on our professions and what they have in common.Â He swore he was more adventurous than his age might lead me to believe, and I had a great attitude as I dressed for our date.
As most guys over 40 do, this man had quite a few “requirements” for the women he dated, most of them laughable.Â He had quite the fantasy woman in mind.Â But the thing that struck me as really…I don’t know–I couldn’t put my finger on it…was something in his attitude that bothered me.Â Though I’ve had men in the past demand to see a driver’s license to prove my identity, this one wasn’t quite so obvious.Â At least, not at first.Â I guess the thing that bothered me was that he was suspicious. Of who I was.Â Of my motives.Â Of…everything.Â I barely noticed at first, because given our day jobs, we’re required to have a little bit of paranoia about meeting new people. (They might be spies, you know.)Â But he also had a habit, which he later admitted, of asking misleading questions to try to catch a date in a lie.Â Which explains some of the oddball stuff he asked me that didn’t make sense.
After a good 30 minutes of telling me about women who’d used fake identities to get to know him online, who had stolen pictures off Facebook to “prove” they were whom they said, who had lied about their attributes for months while dodging face-to-face meetings, I was seeing a strong pattern here.Â Every woman who turned out to be “real,” didn’t measure up to his requirements.Â Every one who did, turned out not to be real but a scam artist.Â He even questioned how I could be authentic if I didn’t have the same fears he did, to which I answered, “I prefer to stay positive and assume that you’re as real as I am.”
After another couple of minutes of his thinly-veiled paranoia about how all women are liars, I snapped my official ID down on the table and joked about it, hoping to lighten the tension I was starting to feel.
His response?Â “That just proves you do the job you say you do.Â That doesn’t prove you really are who you say you are.”
Ooooooh-kaaaaaaay.Â Somehow, I’d thought that by showing up for the date, I had taken a big step in proving who I was.Â I didn’t realize I should’ve brought my portable polygraph with me.Â Nor had I done anything to deserve the assumption of being a fraud. If anything, he seemed a little disappointed that he didn’t catch me in a pack of lies so he could tell me off, as he said he’d done to countless other women.
We had a nice date, and then it sorta fizzled out over the paranoia display.Â When it fizzled, it was okay with me and I was ready to go home and relax.Â Relieved to be leaving his presence, even.Â Only, I couldn’t relax.Â This man’s quiet paranoia (and subsequent witch-hunt) kept tugging at me for days.Â He was NOT the usual kind of date for me.Â The previous few men I’d dated were happy, relaxed, fun, carefree but caring.Â In other words, the men I’d been attracting to me and back to me were a good reflection of how I myself felt about life in general.Â So why the sudden ick?
That’s when my analytical side took over.Â I don’t want to be around a date, romantic partner, or even a stranger like that, so how could he have shown up in the middle of sweet and easy-going men who are usually my company?Â I went back to the moment he appeared in my life and back-tracked.
That night, I’d checked out a forum I’d been to no more than two times in the past year.Â I was in a little bit of a funk when I did, but I saw his intelligent post and wanted to discuss it with him.Â My spirits picked up after that and I actually ended up talking to someone far more interesting a couple of hours later who is more in line with my usual upbeat mood–and perhaps I’ll be seeing him soon.
Taking it a step backward to before I checked out the forum where I found the topic of discussion, I’d spent the previous couple of hours feeling a little not-so-happy.Â I’d received an annoying email from a man who–ironically, now that I think back on it–had the same first name as my date. Â Â That had come in the middle of feeling a little perturbed that a man I see occasionally hadn’t responded to a textÂ message I’d sent him, which had conjured up old fears that he was ignoring me or lying to me or….well, basic unfounded paranoia rather than the fact that he was dealing with something harsh he didn’t want to share with me because he was worried it would bring me down.Â And right before that, I was laughingly telling a friend that I had an intention for the weekend of at least one date.
It’s amusing now, looking back at how I went from being joyous and feeling good and great friends to letting myself slip out of that serenity just long enough to worry about something totally unnecessary and unreasonable.Â I got it back together a little later, yes, but that window of blooper-tunity was wide open just long enough for my weekend date to show up.Â And as much as I hate to admit it, he was a very apt reflection of my angst for the 2 hours before he manifested on the forum I was visiting–his first ever visit.
Once you figure out how to manifest what you want, it becomes especially important to stay aligned and not let yourself slip out of those good feelings–especially over something ridiculous.Â The rewards for getting to the point of fast manifestation are exquisite, but if you drop out of alignment, it can be a cold slap in the face.