Cancer Tests: LOOKING High and Low for the Wrong Thing
Do regular check-ups and medical tests do more harm than good? Does focusing on curing certain diseases or making war on what we don’t want bring those things to our doorsteps? I’ve seen it in my personal life often enough to know that it certainly can.
Though I’m feeling very confident right now about my medical tests on Tuesday, I’ve been bothered by a few things and I think it’s absolutely imperative I work these out in my head, not just for Tuesday’s tests but for many areas of my life right now and in the future, medical and not. I spent quite a bit of time today talking to some of the best Law of Attraction practitioners I know, and did ultimately get to the shift I was wanting.
What’s bothering me is that my doctor will likely want to see me more often, and as doctors do, she’ll be looking for what’s wrong. If she doesn’t find anything, she’ll look harder and more often. Until she does. I don’t like the idea of seeing a doctor for the routine purpose of looking for cancer or what might become cancer one day. If you go looking for something on a regular basis, eventually you’ll find it. And if you don’t find it, then you have exhaustive tests that will “hopefully” find something wrong? Or does focusing on it make it so?
Our family used to be involved with the local Relay for Life events–now about 4 big events in this area, in different small towns within 20 miles of here. We’ve lost some beloved coworkers to cancer in the past few years, with rumors that 30-something people who used to work in one particular physical area have died. (I miscarried while I worked there briefly, as did several other women though none of us knew at the time–and there were frequent environmental checks done on the building.) Because some of our favorite co-workers have passed in the last year and others fight every day, my organization is very focused on supporting Relay for Life and various cancer experiments. One of the things you realize very quickly when you’re involved in Relay for Life is how many people you know who have cancer or have a loved one who has it. They make you stand up if you do, and if you’ve lost a parent or child or a spouse, and then if you’ve lost a sibling, and then if you’ve lost another relative, and finally if you just know someone who died from cancer. It’s sobering, in a staggering way, to attend such a rally or event. The stand-up test was given in detail at our last mandatory office function…which was a week before the tests that had my doctor looking extra hard. At my job, it’s definitely cancer season …or rally season…which means lots of focus on fear.
One of the things at this last mandatory meeting and rally that bugged me was the attempt to get everyone to sign up for a cancer experiment. They wanted us to take a few basic tests and agree to continuing the tests year after year to see how many of us get cancer over the next 20 years or so. My answer was not no, but hell no. There was such a deep level of resistance to it for me. Though they were calling it cancer prevention, it was all about how long and under what circumstances each of us would get cancer. It had the feeling of bringing cancer to participants in what surely seemed like a worthy experiment.
It’s important to me to have a doctor who’s onboard with the way I think and who’ll focus on finding good news instead of exhaustive searches for bad stuff. I think I have that in my current doctor. I know that many doctors have a certain perspective that, if they find themselves ill, destroys them. I certainly saw this when I was dating The Treat. He was a wonderful physician with a great sense of humor, but he once confessed to me that he looked first and foremost for the worst case when a patient arrived with particular symptoms. Even though he seemed light in his personality, in his outlook, he was very heavy and expected the worst. He also complained to me that he didn’t like treating people with simple colds or anxiety disorders–he wanted to find and cure the really bad stuff and relished it. I can see now his mindset contributed to his own self-destruction.
When I was dating the Ten of Pents, another urgent care physician, he had a somber but kind bedside manner but was very light in his outlook. He loved treating people with minor problems and giving them quick solutions. Whereas The Treat used to tell me about taking off from work to attend his patients’ funerals, the Ten of Pents couldn’t dine out without interruption. While out for an evening, we had both other diners and cell phone calls to tell him how he’d saved their lives and they were now X-free and happy. Both were excellent doctors but with very different public personas and very different private outlooks.
My current doc is positive and upbeat and I love it when she asks at my annual checkups, “Did you have a good year?” and her face lights up when I say, “Yes, I had a great year!” I’ll spend a little time Tuesday telling her how I want her to work with me, and that as she’s conducting this particular test/exam, I want her to tell me what she sees that’s right, that’s excellent, that’s improved since my last visit.
That, I think, will be my way of balancing carefree routine visits without the constant gnawing focus on what dreaded thing might be wrong. I will be thankful for such thorough tests that can prove how well I’m doing and that I just get better and better.