Last Straws

Temple of Forgiveness Burn by BURИBLUE.

Photo by burnblue; creative commons license

“You have an interesting life path,” a clairvoyant friend told me 3 weeks ago.  Her eyes widened and then she chuckled as she said it.  She never told me what she saw that made her laugh.  I could use a laugh about now.

Perhaps it was that life has a way of turning on a dime.  Everything can change in a few moments, and we have to change with it, whether the change is joyous or tragic.  Or just…ironic.

I can’t help but remember what another clairvoyant friend told me in February 2004:  “Five years from now, you’ll have a brand new man and a whole new life.”  He’d made it all sound very positive and fulfilling.  There was more to it than that, including a rather extensive description, and I’ve often wondered over the past almost five years what the future held, while repeatedly being told not to worry about it.  Easier said than done.   Especially when only a week ago, I sat by a small bonfire, reading cards with a friend, and the Death Card showed up in my future layout.  The card generally doesn’t faze me, and I understand its meaning of change, of endings and new  beginnings.  This time, it bothered me…especially since  I already know intuitively for years that 2009 will be a year of tremendous change for me–a move, a different lifestyle, a career transition, an illness,  something else.     

But choices have to be made and we all move forward.  Even just standing still is the same as moving backward because nothing is completely without a direction or momentum.  We all make choices and hope that we don’t regret them later.  I rarely do.   When I do have a regret about a choice I’ve made, it’s about the thing I didn’t choose.  I find that that’s true for most people.  But at the same time, I refuse to make the choice for anyone else. 

That doesn’t excuse dealing with abusive people.  The moment I choose not to be magnanimous and lose all patience, well, Gods help us all because when I’ve had enough, I’ve…really…had…enough…and everything in sight will be leveled.   I am, after all, a daughter of The Morrigan, even if I prefer not to walk in warrior mode 24 hours a day.  In general, I don’t need to work any magick because She will take care of it for me.

For the past week, life has been hell, made worse by dealing with other people’s middle school drama.   Difficulties don’t come in just one way but often in pairs, triplets, and—in this case—flocks of them, and all we can do is roll with them.  This time, it’s as if you took the worst situation you can imagine and  then said, “Hey, wouldn’t it be ironic if…?”   

Finding equilibrium in a bad situation is important.  For that, I need to count my blessings.   I have uber-supportive daughters and a few close friends who will help see me through bumpy times ahead.   I will re-evaluate, re-plan, re-group,   and move forward.  I no longer have the energy to soothe anyone else’s regrets.  Right now, I must take care of myself.

But if I really need to summon my energy, I’ll do it only once.