Photo by burnblue; creative commons license
â€œYou have an interesting life path,â€ a clairvoyant friend told me 3 weeks ago.Â Her eyes widened and then she chuckled as she said it.Â She never told me what she saw that made her laugh.Â I could use a laugh about now.
Perhaps it was that life has a way of turning on a dime.Â Everything can change in a few moments, and we have to change with it, whether the change is joyous or tragic.Â Or justâ€¦ironic.
I canâ€™t help but remember what another clairvoyant friend told me in February 2004:Â â€œFive years from now, youâ€™ll have a brand new man and a whole new life.â€Â Â He’d made it all sound very positive and fulfilling. Â There was more to it than that, including a rather extensive description, and Iâ€™ve often wondered over the past almost five years what the future held, while repeatedly being told not to worry about it.Â Easier said than done.Â Â Especially when only a week ago, I sat by a small bonfire, reading cards with a friend, and the Death Card showed up in my future layout.Â The card generally doesnâ€™t faze me, and I understand its meaning of change, of endings and newÂ beginnings.Â This time, it bothered meâ€¦especially sinceÂ I already know intuitively for yearsÂ that 2009 will be a year of tremendous change for me–a move, aÂ differentÂ lifestyle, a career transition, an illness,Â something else.Â Â Â Â
But choices have to be made and we all move forward.Â Even just standing still is the same as moving backward because nothing is completely without a direction or momentum.Â We all make choices and hope that we donâ€™t regret them later.Â I rarely do.Â Â When I do have a regret about a choice Iâ€™ve made, itâ€™s about the thing I didnâ€™t choose.Â I find that thatâ€™s true for most people.Â But at the same time, I refuse to make the choice for anyone else.Â
That doesn’t excuse dealing with abusive people.Â The moment I choose not to be magnanimous and lose all patience, well, Gods helpÂ us allÂ because when I’ve had enough, I’ve…really…had…enough…and everything in sight will be leveled.Â Â I am, after all,Â a daughter of The Morrigan, even if I prefer not to walk in warrior mode 24 hours a day. Â In general, I don’t need to work any magick because She will take care of it for me.
For the past week, life has been hell, made worse by dealing with other peopleâ€™s middle school drama.Â Â Difficulties donâ€™t come in just one way but often in pairs, triplets, andâ€”in this caseâ€”flocks of them, and all we can do is roll with them.Â This time, itâ€™s as if you took the worst situation you can imagine andÂ then said, â€œHey, wouldnâ€™t it be ironic ifâ€¦?â€Â Â Â
Finding equilibrium in a bad situation is important.Â For that, I need to count my blessings.Â Â I have uber-supportive daughters and a few close friends who will help see me through bumpy times ahead.Â Â I will re-evaluate, re-plan, re-group, Â Â and move forward.Â I no longer have the energy to soothe anyone elseâ€™s regrets.Â Right now, I must take care of myself.
But if I really need to summon my energy, I’ll do it only once.