Pushing Buttons: When Other People Assign Motives to You that Aren’t Yours
Photo by wonker; creative commons license
Some days, like today, I seem to have a knack for pushing people’s buttons. Ever have one of those days where no matter what you say, someone’s going to get their proverbial panties in a wad and launch into telling you what your intentions are, when they’ve never before interacted with you? And after a while, you realize that it has nothing to do with you, at all.
The first two were men I was introduced to in a social situation. I was pointed out to both under a particular description and both confronted me, complaining. Everything each wanted to yell at me about was something his ex-wife had done–and things I had never done or would ever think to do. They both insulted me and threw out all kinds of assumptions about my lifestyle and intentions. I asked why each was saying these things to me instead of his ex-wife. It had nothing to do with me–each still had a few things to work out…with his ex, not me.
The last was at the end of my day, when I asked a question on an astrology forum I’ve frequented for years. There are some areas of astrology I’m quite good at and others, I’m still learning, such as horary and synastry. Most of my education has been by applying astrology to events, situations, and people I know to see how it all works. That’s my way of learning, and this particular forum has always been friendly and helpful. At least until today.
Synastry involves looking at how two different people’s astrological charts related to each other. What I’ve learned recently that I find fascinating is this (as I understand it): A composite chart takes the mid-point of each planet, creating a chart that isn’t necessarily a real event, but it’s how the world sees the couple whose charts have been combined. A Davidson chart takes the midpoint of the two birthdates/times/places and creates a chart from that information. That chart, from what I’m told, is a portrait of the relationship as a living entity.
I had a first date last week with a man significantly younger than I am, which had some real shocks for me because I planned to have coffee with him and nothing more. He was quite a surprise! After our phone discussion of astrology, I brought his natal and solar return charts with me to show him–which was equally fascinating for both of us! I chose not to take composite or Davidson charts with me. Too presumptuous, I thought…even though he was quoting to me what an astrological guide said about our combined lovestyles. Both charts were intriguing though, and–to tell the truth–were the best charts I’ve seen for any man I’ve dated in my entire life. Not necessarily what you want to share on a first date, so I kept it to myself.
I’ve found that the Davidson chart FEELS a little more accurate when looking at relationships that have a birthdate distance of more than five years, but it’s possible that it’s just that particular person or that I didn’t really know that particular person as well as I thought. I couldn’t tell any real difference in the charts when the men were six months older. That made me wonder about the reliability of the charts over a 20+ year span.
Or…let’s say I’m a 400 year old vampire and he’s a 200 year old vampire. Will the mid-point still be as accurate? I didn’t think the vampire version would be taken seriously, so I kept it real.
Apparently that was the stupidest question one of the forum “astrologers” had ever heard but what really pushed her buttons was that I’d mentioned why I was asking the question as an example–that I’d dated someone half my age. She proceeded to assign all sorts of ridiculous motivations to my question and attack my personally. We’ve never interacted before and she knows nothing about me–but something about her age (my date’s) and her mother’s age being a year more than mine and voila! Buttons pushed and attacks ensuing.
Not that it’s easy to deal with, especially when you’re an empath and you feel all of their vile emotions bubbling out. I’m always infuriated by idiots who tell me what my intentions are (maybe because my ex did that to me on occasion). After a while, I can separate out the emotions and look at the question, and it becomes very obvious that something about me or my situation just pushed someone else’s buttons and it has nothing to do with me at all. I’m just convenient to spew venom on.
This the case of today’s three drama queens and kings, the first two men did apologize once they realized they were telling me things they should have said to their exes long ago. I won’t be going out with either of them, but it’s nice to see that realization dawn in someone that their issues are still in the past and not in the present or future with me.