Photo credit by Express Monorail; creative commons license
I have developed a tremendous appreciation for honest men. Not honesty wielded as a weapon or as a shield but more like a cup of clear water for a thirsty woman.
Relationships are the best place to see honesty in action—and the different interpretations of honesty and the different rationales for deception. Abuse is never a good enough excuse to tell the truth, and saving your own ass by lying through your teeth is never the same as “for the greater good.” There’s no middle ground, and if there’s a bad feeling surrounding the honesty or the deception—for either party—then it’s nothing but poison.
Too often, I see people—both men and women—employ a “policy of truth” to justify being downright mean or verbally abusive. These are the “friends” who will joyously tell you that the “truth” about your hairstyle or your clothes or your home décor—the “truth” always being something that stings. Most of the time, ironically, it’s just opinion and sometimes that truth is fiction in the guise of a supportive friend who needs to feel superior.
Listen, any friend who is happy to Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: compassion, deception, honest man, honesty, little white lies, policy of truth, truth, verbal abuse
Photo credit by Earthwatcher; creative commons license
I’m stunned that I forgot to set goals. That’s so unlike me. Goals are the guideposts to the future and without them, I tend to amble off the path.
One of the benefits of monthly sessions with a life coach is that they keep me on-track in my busy life and help me to fine-tune new things I want. It’s therapy, in a way, and it’s a nice objective sounding board for me—one that doesn’t judge in the way a close friend or colleague with an agenda might. My coach simply helps me to talk through worries and come up with a game plan.
In this month’s session, my coach asked about a certain project. I had mentioned to her how well it was going, and her resulting question was, “So what goals have you set for this project?”
Huh? The question really caught me off-guard, and it shouldn’t have. I stuttered a bit and had to admit that I’m not sure of my goals for this project.
I had goals for it, over a year ago when I first started it. They were Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: goals, intentions, Law of Attraction, life coach
Photo credit by Jon Kneller; creative commons license
It’s said that, if you have children, you get to see the world through their eyes. But it’s not so much a different perspective as a huge opportunity to rewrite your own childhood. Most people I know had terrible childhoods. It’s rare to find someone who had two loving parents–whether married or not–and made it through childhood and adolescence unscathed by molesting uncles, parental negligence, or a whole variety of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. The last woman I know to confess that she had a great childhood told me that she had problems finding the right relationship because no matter how good things were with a new guy, it just never measured up to what her parents had together.
While it’s not a fresh set of eyes through which to see the world, it’s definitely a fresh reminder of the world during that phase of our lives. We remember things long forgotten and old wounds are re-opened. In every case, it’s an opportunity.
Do we react by perpetuating the ills of our own childhood? Or do we find a way to undo those ills by doing the opposite with our children?
I still remember raising a hand for the first time to my 15-month-old, for something very minor, and stopping my hand in mid-air. I turned it into a fist instead, and I swore I would never beat my children then and there and that I would change that legacy. It wasn’t necessary to keep my girls in line through childhood or their teen years.
I’ve tried to make sure my kids always knew that they were special, worthwhile, wonderful, both in word in action. It’s a self-correcting course, a way to reclaim some of what we parents lost as children. It’s our own best medicine for old wounds that have never healed.
Tags: childhood, negligence, parenthood, sexual abuse, wounds
Photo credit by Cha222; creative commons license
Two months ago, I participated in some “spiritual work” with some trusted spiritual leaders who always have an interesting point of view. I very much enjoy these sessions where I am a student rather than a teacher and where I am challenged to see things in a new way. I’m a big believer in continued learning, no matter how much of an expert you are or how much you think you know. There’s always more.
I’ve had terrible arguments in the past with spiritual people who considered themselves experts because of how long they’d been a member of a particular church, circle, or group. When I challenged them to learn something new–just investigate it to see how it fit with their beliefs–I was quickly slapped down. They seemed very comfortable in the little niche they’d carved out and not at all interested in any type of spiritual “continuing education.” Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: learning, platypus, Relationships, selective filtering, spiritual work, totem, totem animals, unique
Originally published in Third Degree Curves
Photo credit by hradcanska; creative commons license
“Oh,” he says, picking up the Tarot card. He’s incredibly gifted, yet this is a new experience for him. He’s never seen these cards before, but I think they’re pretty and I share them to get his opinion. “The Lovers are a combination of the Prince of Cups and the Queen of Wands.”
I’m astonished by his quick insight and the depth of his interpretation of the different cards. He is correct, on every level. I myself have drooled over this deck for several months and had never made the connection.
Since this insight, I have read that Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: alpha female, High Priestess, lovers, prince of cups, queen of rods, Queen of Wands, Tarot
Photo Credit by pdjs-photos; creative commons license
Keeping secrets can be dangerous. It’s not that they can’t be kept, but if they’re kept at a price, then that price tends to manifest into something harmful.
Though I’m fairly open myself and have very few secrets, I still know and keep many secrets that aren’t harmful to me, but there’s a difference in the nature of those secrets. Those are the secrets told to me by someone I’ve counseled. The secrets are shared with me, but they don’t involve me directly. The same is true of secrets that friends have told me over the years. Some have been truly awful secrets that they felt they had to share with someone and I was it. I never asked to be their confessor but I treat those secrets–ones that never had anything to do with me–as their private information that stays private. I was specifically asked to keep it secret and, since I’m not culpable in these cases, I have. I’m sure that there are former friends of mine out there who worry that I’ll write about some terrible secret that happened 20 years ago that had nothing to do with me, but they need not worry: I’ve never disclosed their confessions.
In all of these cases, I did not Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Relationships, secrets, truth
Next time you’re in a health food store, ask the clerk to tell you his or her five favorite items. Not what sells the best or what might help you with a particular problem—though you may ask about those as well—but which items have they tried that exceeded all expectations. I did this several months ago and found several new items that have resolved problems I didn’t even realize had become problems.
Here are my new favs that I recommend to you, either at your favorite local health food store or discount store or ordered online.
Tags: acidophilus, chondroitin, Danactive, elations, glucosamine, health food stores, liquid vitamins, Matthew Dorman, organic essential detox, physician, probiotic, product review, renew life, source of life, sprinkle fiber, Terry Payne, yogurt drink
It’s my birthday and what am I thinking about? Bella. Bella from Stephenie Meyer’s vampire series that began with Twilight, a title which is still bizarre to me since Maggie Shayne wrote a few dozen vampire novels with twilight in the title and with a very strong following for her books well in advance of Bella and Edward. Throughout the series, Bella annoys me with her perpetual fear of getting another year older. Yep, even at 17, she’s dreading her birthdays. She wants to be a vampire and immortally beautiful and forever a teenager. Ouch…personally, being forever a teenager sounds a little like hell to me, but I can be a good student of Coleridge and suspend my disbelief every now and then.
My point is, it seems so freaking silly that a girl the age of my younger daughter would fear a birthday. And yet, how many grown women (and occasionally men) do I know who hide their birthdays, insist they won’t have any more, as if a birthday is something to fear or dread? They insist on ignoring their birthdays, insist on no parties or acknowledgment. The very idea of a birthday seems to give them stomach ulcers. Shoot, pick whatever age you want to be and call the number a number and move on, but don’t not celebrate!
Birthdays are a time of assessment and celebration. This year, it’s my Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: aging, Bella, birthdays, celebration, immortal, in the moment, Maggie Shayne, Stephenie Meyer, Twilight, vampire
Photo credit by Vitó; creative commons license
Oh, the Vertex, what a game–he’s hiding all the cards.
The Vertex is in charge of finding treasure in the dark,
And watching over lucky clover–isn’t that bizarre?
Every little thing the Vertex does
Leaves you answered with a question mark. (“The Reflex”—Duran Duran)
Okay, so I like to dance through my house when I’m alone and sing old 80’s tunes that I’ve rewritten to apply to astrological terms. I can’t help it—I hear the term Vertex and immediately want to sing, partly because I was such a fan of Duran Duran in the early 80’s and partly because the meaning of the Vertex intrigues me. I’ve found it to be very…telling.
What Is the Vertex and How to Find It
I first discovered this tidbit of astrology when I was looking at how asteroids affect an astrological chart. My initial mistake was in thinking that Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: anti-vertex, ascendant, asteroids, Ceres, descendant, Fifth House, juno, Pallas, progressed chart, Saturn conjunct Vertex, Seventh House, solar return chart, synastry, turning point, Vertex, Vertex conjunct Descendant, Vertex conjunct Juno, vertex conjunct Sun, Vertext conjunct North Node, Vesta
Photo credit by Aislinn Bailey; used with permission.
Originally published in Third Degree and Rising, 2007.
This is important for reasons I cannot yet fathom, except that I’m looking for what is real.
We’re so sure of what reality is. We gaze at the night sky, at what’s not visible in the glare of harsh light, and congratulate ourselves on seeing the reality that those stars are there, both night and day.
But is that reality? Some of the stars that we perceive as real burned out many generations before we were born. We may see the remaining light of long-dead stars that are no longer there. Or perhaps there are new stars there but their light has not yet reached us. And still other stars are too distant to be seen but burn the brightest.
But what is visible to us and to the rest of the world is not what’s real.
Here on this planet, we look up from its different corners at bears, hunters, dogs, and seven sisters in the sky and clearly see their fixed design as both our lovers and those who passed centuries before us have seen their fixed design in the sky. But the permanence of those designs depends on where you are in the Universe. The stars within those constellations are not clustered in animal and human shapes but rather, we have aligned them in our own points of view to make sense of them.
From Aldebaran, perhaps the Big Dipper appears as the Big Palm Tree. And from Antares, maybe those same stars line up in a different perspective as the Big Waffle Iron. Yet here on Earth, every inhabitant sees the pattern from where we stand.
Reality is not fixed. The patterns we’re accustomed to are not permanent. Some things look a particular way from where we are right now, both where we are in time and where we are in space. That doesn’t mean that it’s real. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: faith, healing touch, perspective, reality, stars
Photo credit by PierrickBlons; creative commons license.
Little things can be so compelling. Sometimes they’re red flags that end a relationship. Other times, they’re white flags of surrender. Most of the time, they’re signs all their own, which–put together–can tell a story that lifts or break our hearts.
I enjoy observing human dynamics, how people interact with each other, what drives a person. I love it when I witness some small compelling thing that elicits an “Awwwwwwww” of awe from me. I hate it when I learn something that’s a deal-breaker in a relationship, not from gossip but from comments posted by that person on a social network like Facebook, MySpace, Buzz, Wave, or Twitter.
A man can be very sweet and open-minded when he’s trying to get a date, say all the right things, do all the right things, and yet a pattern of Facebook updates spotlights a man who is extremely judgmental of appearance, skin color, and age. An “upstanding Christian” at work can break half the Commandments in the privacy of a friends-only forum, leaving you to wonder if you ever knew this person at all.
A man I Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: compassion, Facebook status, human dynamics, kindness, privacy, social network
Photo credit by satosphere; creative commons license. Article originally published in Third Degree Tilt.
In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to my self in a dark wood where the straight way was lost.—Dante
I came across this quote today. I’d forgotten it.
Dante would have been about 35 at the time, so I guess maybe that was what he considered the middle of his life, but I think the quote applies to far more than impending middle age. We all have times when things are dark and we have no choice but to face Self and decide whether to acknowledge what we see or to run and hide.
Anyway, it reminded me very much of the difficult times that people I adore have been having, and I wanted to say that I’m with you, all of you, in heart and in Spirit.
Tags: dante, dark wood, middle age, quotes
Today’s Book Spotlight is on Elements of Fun: 14 Nature-Based Projects to Enjoy with your Children.
Lady Sialia has put together over a dozen projects related to the four elements, all with Nature-based themes. The book is not specific to any particular religion but Nature-lovers and followers of Earth-based spirituality will appreciate the suggestions. This little book of instructions for how to make wind chimes, kaleidoscopes, ornaments, wreaths, sand art, crystal sculptures, and more is perfect for parents and teachers of grade school children.
By the way, Sialia is the sound a bluebird makes.
*******
Available in pdf in a condensed format for easy reading/printing.
$9.95 Retail Price
$ 4.95 Special Price on this website. Download the pdf file now.
Available soon for your Kindle or iPhone.
Tags: children, crystal sculptures, elements, kaleidoscopes, nature lovers, nature projects, oranments, sand art, sialia, spirituality, wind chimes, wreaths
Jasmine incense, right after one of my famous Sunday Night Gatherings. This smoke art is copyrighted by Aislinn Bailey, used with permission.
When I was first looking for a like-minded spiritual group in Northwest Florida, I found several existing circles rather easily. These were people who were either pagan or pagan-friendly, with anything from a nice mix of different religious beliefs to a finely honed circle with a specific focus. I contacted each of them and, without their knowing anything at all about me, they all told me that they were currently closed to new members. I felt a little miffed and rejected at the time–weren’t they even willing to meet me and give me a chance?–but now I understand. A few did offer an explanation about energetic harmony but having not had my own group before then, I didn’t understand the precariousness of the balance of energy among a small spiritual group, circle, or coven.
Last year, I closed my own group, my fourth, to the public. Why? To maintain the “good energy” we’d achieved. I didn’t Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: balance, circles, covens, deployed, Energy, Evelyn Vaughn, good energy, Maggie Shayne, MeetUp, Niceville, pagan, pagan-friendly, skype, spiritual group, Sunday Night Gatherings, webcam, Wicca, Wiccan Concepts, Wiccan groups, workshop
Photo credit by Maureen “Mo” Reilly; creative commons license
What was it you just said? “I’m getting old”? Or maybe, “I must be getting old and decrepit”? Rest assured, with that kind of self-talk, you’ll be feeling older than you are, faster than you can imagine.
How can I wake you up from giving yourself the polar opposite of affirmations so that you don’t fulfill your own prophecy long before your body, mind, and spirit are ready to decay and fade? Oh, I know:
Thwap!
You’ve been slapped by the cold, wet salmon of self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes, you just attributed an inconvenience, twinge, or annoyance with becoming old and decrepit.
Am I saying that the human body doesn’t age, weaken, and Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: affirmations, age is a state of mind, Carol Burnett, getting old, Law of Attraction, Mama's Family, mindset, self-fulfilling prophecy, self-talk, Vicki Lawrence, young at heart
Photo Credit by the PhotoPhreak; creative commons license
As I write this, it is a Sunday afternoon and I have a few friends coming over for dinner and an in-depth spiritual discussion. Did I say a few? I meant fifteen. Or maybe ten because several just called and said they might not make it because of transportation problems. Or maybe twenty because several just called to say they might bring a couple of friends. I had planned to make chicken cordon bleu but do I double the recipe? What about glasses? I don’t know why this particular gathering is so wavering in projected attendance but it is, and I could be a ball of nerves over everything being perfect, but I’m doing only a teensy bit of stress.
I finally understand what a cancer patient told me over a decade ago.
I met her only once, and I took an instant liking to her. I was drawn to her in a way I can’t explain. She seemed to radiate something I wanted, needed. I know now that that something was serenity.
She had come to see me, actually, at a workshop or speech or some such I was giving in another town even though she lived about two miles from me. She asked wonderfully contemplative questions during my gig, and afterward, the two of us and a few more women sat and talked for an hour or so. That’s when I learned that this vibrant woman in her 40’s was a cancer patient in remission. I didn’t know when I’d ever met someone who seemed so alive. She had an amazing story to tell of how her illness had changed her life, though she really didn’t dwell on the past. She talked mostly about a technique she’d developed that helped her to de-stress and promised to show the five of us gathered around her. She invited us all to dinner at her house the following Sunday evening and told us to wear comfy clothes so she could teach us. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: cancer, cancer patient, de-stress, life is short, Serene Living, stress
Photo credit by Ko_An; creative commons license.
From the upcoming book, Searching for Serenity: the Spiritual Way to Declutter your Life and Create Sacred Space
I’m intrigued by a Tarot card known as the “Two of Swords.” In most decks, the card features a person holding a sword in each hand, often in a defensive position. The visual often reflects two equal forces in a stalemate situation. The swords are sometimes crossed, suggesting a clash of ideas, words, or motives.
The traditional meanings for the card are struggle, balance, decisions, an impasse, confusion. Some refer to these as putting up barriers to the truth or hoping the truth will go away.
A friend of mine interprets this card in a more positive way that I find beautiful. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: decluttering, letting go, SacredSpaces, Serene Living, Tarot, two of swords
Cooling off on a hot summer’s day last year, with my bare feet in the fountain on my patio. Photo used with permission.
It’s easy to get caught up in everyone else’s world and forget to pamper yourself a little. In fact, pampering yourself can feel downright selfish, even if you did just put in a 100-hour work week. Yet, if you’re trying to maintain or reach a place of balance and happiness, a little self-treasuring can go a long way.
Here’s my personal list: Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: flowers, Meditation, pampering, SacredSpaces
Photo credit by -RobW-; creative commons license
From the upcoming book, 23 Ways I Screwed Up My Life with the Law of Attraction—and How I Fixed It
I had a date with a man I can’t get out of my head. Normally, that would be a wonderful thing because—normally–there would be something pleasantly fascinating about the man. In this case, I’ve had problems figuring out how I ever attracted him into my life in the first place.
As my readers know, when I talk about such scenarios, I use composites or describe the guy in such a way that none but my closest friends have any idea who I’m talking about. The man in this case was someone I’d met through a website, sight unseen. He’d posted something interesting on a forum and I responded, and in turn he asked me to dinner. He was older than most of the men I usually date but was open-minded and willing to take a risk. The worst that could happen? We’d continue a great conversation started online, with a focus on our professions and what they have in common. He swore he was more adventurous than his age might lead me to believe, and I had a great attitude as I dressed for our date.
As most guys over 40 do, this man had quite a few “requirements” for the women he dated, most of them laughable. He had quite the fantasy woman in mind. But the thing that struck me as really…I don’t know–I couldn’t put my finger on it…was something in his attitude that bothered me. Though I’ve had men in the past demand to see a driver’s license to prove my identity, this one wasn’t quite so obvious. At least, not at first. I guess the thing that bothered me was that he was suspicious. Of who I was. Of my motives. Of…everything. I barely noticed at first, because given our day jobs, we’re required to have a little bit of paranoia about meeting new people. (They might be spies, you know.) But he also had a habit, which he later admitted, of asking misleading questions to try to catch a date in a lie. Which explains some of the oddball stuff he asked me that didn’t make sense. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: alignment, bad dates, dating, Law of Attraction, manifestation, Relationships
Originally published in Third Degree of Freedom.
Two women from the Philippines are helping me with a home project. They’re smart, they work hard, and they’re compassionate. Traits I obviously admire. And even though they’ve both been handed their share of tragedy, they still agree, “Life is good.”
One is a single mother of six who just made the newspapers for being the victim of her former employer, a man she—along with quite a few other men and women—trusted and had great compassion for because of tragedy in his own family. She has a good heart, and because of it, she borrowed against everything she owned, including her home, to help someone she considered a friend.
She’s still singed from the fire but at the same time trying not to lose her sense of trust and compassion. That’s such a part of her that it would be a shame to lose not just her life savings but also her sense of innocence.
“But I’ve got great kids,” she tells me with a smile.
“Life is good,” echoes the other woman.
She’s keeping a positive outlook, which amazes me considering what she’s been through. Her friend tells me that people in the Philippines don’t suffer from depression like Americans do. Maybe it’s the pace of life here or maybe it’s the lack of attunement to Nature, or maybe it’s just not being ourselves. She finds it curious.
Then she adds, “Life is good.”
Before I can wonder how she can say that, she tells me that her husband was murdered in the Philippines in the 90’s but she had four children to raise and she had to go on with life.
“Life is good,” she says again.
Yeah. Yeah, it is. Even when things are bad, there’s still enough good to make it all worth the effort.
Tags: life is good, murder, widow
Balancing work with play at Grayton Beach State Park. Photo credit: Aislinn Bailey
Have you ever discovered that your intentions came true, just not in the way you planned? Happens to me all the time.
A little over a year ago, I put the intention out there in a Law of Attraction exercise to take more courses, particularly enjoyable courses. I didn’t have a set agenda of which courses, but I simply wanted to keep learning more and keep expanding my mind and knowledge.
And yet, I never did renew that Spanish language course I’d been taking at work because I didn’t have time there. Nothing exciting showed up in the local college schedules that I hadn’t already taken.
It seems I spend so much of my time teaching, and it’s important to me to continue learning. I don’t need yet another degree, but learning is extremely important to me.
As the Winter Solstice drew near—the time of year when I focus on my intentions for the next year—I thought about my intentions for the year that had just passed and how I hadn’t spent much time in classes at work or at home. Very few conferences or workshops!
Fortunately, my day job requires that Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Anglo-Saxon, audible.com, audiobooks, courses, Drout, George Friedman, history, Law of Attraction
Originally published in Third Degree Ebb and Flow.
My third workshop for the Florida Pagan Gathering was fairly crowded. I never saw several of the attendees at anything else related to the weekend events. Maybe they were aliens or angels or something just dropping by!
In any case, that was the workshop on building worm holes, Field theory, inter-dimensional portals, etc. Fun stuff. Turns out, the people most interested in discussing the material afterward with me were ceremonial magicians and lots of folks kept asking when the book is coming out. Um, well, I must get it written….
But at one point in the workshop, I was talking about how to use the portals for healing and communication, to focus and amplify energy. The room got very quiet and the conversation very serious, with me hypothesizing that other life forms might be able to lower their energetic frequency and help us raise ours so that they could communicate with us.
At that moment, that brief lull of one-second silence after suggesting other life might want to tell us what they want from a relationship with humans, a student’s cell phone went off, its musical ringtone blaring to attention….
“I like…big butts and I cannot lie!”
Tags: ceremonial magicians, field theory, florida pagan gathering, inter-dimensional portals, pagan humor, worm holes
The Country Squire Inn and Restaurant between Kenansville and Warsaw, North Carolina. Article originally published in Life in the Third Degree.
In the summer of 2003, I took Shannon with me on a road trip, just the two of us. She was at an important age, going into the eighth grade, which in my own history was the threshold for beginning to understand things as an adult. Too many “grown-ups” don’t seem to remember their youth, and that’s unfortunate for both their children and themselves. Too many of my colleagues tell me they can’t/don’t/won’t talk with their kids because, well, they’re teenagers, as if being in different phases of life excuses their lack of interest in their kids’ minds and emotions. I was determined not to be the distant parent. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Country Squire Inn, Kenansville, Law of Attraction, medieval, North Carolina, Relationships, Second Degree, South Carolina, Warsaw
Photo cr
edit by eyesore9; creative commons license
First dates are perhaps the best example ever of energy bubbles and making those first important energetic connections with someone else. That’s because there are few other situations where we are thrust into an environment with a new person and expected to stay and hold our own for at least 20 to 30 minutes before deciding if we want more. Wouldn’t it be fun is we could see the energy bubble around us in living color?
I write a lot about energy, a rather nebulous term for people who’ve never been around healing circles or bonfire drumming. As an empath, my awareness of energy has grown to the point where, even though energy is invisible, its effects are not. I feel it much as I feel the wind. I can’t see it but I can see it bend the trees, and I can hear it howl or sing sometimes, and I can feel it. I think we can all feel it if we’re aware of it and use it to diagnose how well a first date or first meeting is going. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: dating, energetic connections, Energy, first dates, healing circles
Photo credit by bloody marty mix; creative commons license.
Intuition is a funny thing. Most people never trust theirs. Sure, later–after they’ve been mugged–they talk about the icky feeling they ignored because they didn’t want anyone to think they were silly or illogical. I’ve heard the same sooooooo many times from women who were certain their spouses were cheating, but they convinced themselves they were being crazy or paranoid or insecure–only to discover after they were alone with no money and a couple of kids that their intuition was a lot more trustworthy than a ton of charming reassurances from the hubby. I rarely see Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: divorce, intuition, third chakra, trust
